Seeking advice from people living with bipolar disorder

Im sorry I dont have answers for you @Bell19 as I dont have a lived or educational knowledge of Bipolar. But I wanted to still offer some support in the meantime until someone more helpful can respond

I think it is great you are asking these questions. I can see that you care for your husband too. It does sound concerning especially if this behaviour is unusual for him - as his family indicated to you.

Are his family supportive of you in this?

Do you feel safe when he is angry? Or have a safety plan if you do not feel safe?

I can imagine it must be stressful and frustraiting, along with a lot of other emotions no doubt, when he gets into these angry phases. ❤️‍🩹

Is there any commonalities between these periods of anger occurring that you can think of?

Triggers? (Topics, activities, etc)

Time of day?

There may be none - I'm just wondering if that might help people give some advice based on if so or not.

How do you think your husband would react if you broach the topic of your concern for his angry and depressed feelings? Would he be receptive? Would he likely recognise that is what he is feeling/acting out?

(Broached when he is feeling well, not in a rush or distracted, etc, and from a place of concern not from blame)

Thank you for your reply.

I am feeling increasingly unsafe around him in these periods - emotionally, but never physically unsafe. I'm also concerned about the impact his behaviour has on our young daughter.

My husband has attributed his mood changes and behaviour to me - believing that it is the result of my lack of support, so I really don't know how I can broach this in a way that he will listen.

Yes, his family are very supportive of me and also very concerned about his behaviour.

hey @Bell19 welcome to the forums!

i'm glad his family has been supportive of you, it sounds like a tough position to be in. as @AlwaysMyself suggested, having a safety plan can be helpful. you can also call 1800RESPECT to talk through your feelings and create those safety plans, they've got some great resources too.

also a lil tip around posting - you can tag members you want to reply to by using the @ symbol and typing out their username and selecting it, like this @Bell19 - that way, the person tagged will be notified of your reply. @AlwaysMyself above reply is for you 😊

Ack, that sounds very tough with him trying to say his anger/mood is because of you not supporting him! 😞

I wonder what "supporting him" looks like in his mind? 🤔 sounds like he either isn't noticing/remembering your supportive actions and words, or else maybe he is a different idea of what he feels he needs at the moment?

Keep in mind that just because he may *say* what he feels he needs from you, it does not mean you *can* or are *obligated* to give it to him! But it might give some idea into where his thinking is at?? And there may be some ways that you can adjust that are reasonable and not too hard??

When my husband was getting irritated easily and depressed about keeping up with housework, I asked him if there is a way I could support him more (knowing that I dont have the physical capacity to take on more). Turns out I could- by verbally acknowledging the housework he does, he would feel like its more appreciated and not unseen. (From my perspective, I just expect him to do his share of the housework (or pay someone to do it like I do if he cant), but for him the depressing thing was feeling that it make no impact and wasn't noticed - so acknowledging it and expressing verbal thanks is something that encouraged him and his mood, and super simple for me to do. 🙂 ) now its not as sensitive to talk about housework, because its balanced out with positive talk about housework too.

Just an idea for food for thought is all.

Do you feel you can talk to your daughter about it in terms of how she feels "when people get angry"? (Giving her the space to say she doesnt mind, or that she feels sad theyre upset, or that she feels scared, or whatever her response is - without pre-empting)

Again, just my thoughts as a peer. Not a professional!

Sounds like we might be in very similar situations - my husband is flip flopping on whether our marriage is over depending on his mood, been about 3 months now, and I'm exhausted trying to stay caring and supportive but setting boundaries for my own needs as well. Im committed to working on whatever we need to, but he can't really verbalise what he wants besides something vague about not being soul mates. No affairs that he's admitted to, I think it's just that I don't join him in his manic phases and so I'm not exciting enough to love. If you work out a solution, let me know!

This sounds really hard and exhausting.
have things gotten better for you?