Major Self Doubt Day /I Must Fix Everything Fix All The Important Stuff and Fix it Now Cause I feel Like A Failure,

Hi Friends Yes Something Is Definetly Not Right With Me Just a short Back story On why Im At This Point ,1, My Family is Bassically on the verge of homelessness in a matter of months due to A Council Rates Debt which Has Forced Us into Having To Get All The Important Matters Organised in A Very Quick Manner Things Such As Where Are We Going To Live ,Wheres Our Bellongings Going,Reapplying For Our Birth Certificates For Applying For Private Rental Properties,Looking At Private Rental Properties ,Ok Next Line Of Line Of ISSues ,2 I have no Car and No Job Currently and thats a stress too Cause Obviously we need Financial means to do this and I basically Feel Like A Failure In all Areas,Im The Eldest Of 3 Siblings,Mums In Aged Care ,Dad Passed Years Ago which Ive most likely Mentioned at some point on here Previously,Anyway Its A lot Of Big Issues at Once And its Upto Me , Que The Next Issue We are now At A stage Of After Attempts To Negotiate We Are In Limbo On Waiting For The Local Councils Decision about a Second attempt at putting in a hardship application and basically waiting to see wether they say yes or No So Basically They Decide Wether Where Forced To Move House ,theres more I could add about The Family Home But Ill Move onto The Next Issue ,Is it number 4 issue? well anyaway the next life issue is Ive Been Attempting to DeVelop An Online Relationship With A man and Yes This Time this Particallar Man Is verfied as Being Real And Genuine Towards Me Anyway The Isue Within The Relationship Isnt Him Its Me You see I keep Having Issues with Vulnrabilty even though I see No Red Flags Whatsoever In Fact Its All Green Flags But My Stupid Brain for Some Reason Is fowling The Whole Situation up By Trying To look For red flags That arnt there , The Green Flags Have Been weve seen each other on Video Call, Live Video Call,Voice Phone Call,Texting but Predominately We Video call and Voice Call and All His Pictures Match Up With His Name ,And His Calm and Loving and Open And Honest To share His Life with Me ,Being Long Distance He daily Tries to Show Me on Video CalL Where He Works ,another green Flag He works 2 Jobs and is clearly a very Hard worker from Our interactions, Hes shown Me around his local City By video,Introduced Me to Friends of His via Vidoe Call and its amazing our Like Care free and real he is with showing me his everyday routine where he shops,works,ect So Anyway As Great As All That IS My Stupid Brain Is Having This Habit Of Anytime He Tries To Form THat Genuine Loving Connection With Me Through Sharing His Life I go Into Like A closing Off Mode And Hang up On his Calls Frquently like I go into My shell And really Shy AWAY from His Loving Nature which Is Really Sad ,I tend to Make Up These Scenarios In My Head That Im somehow bothering him Even Though Hes being So open And Carefree With Me ,Mind You Hes seeing The raw Real Side of Me unbrushed hair ect ,Bad emotional Days And yet he Somehow Still Loves me ,I dont Know why I keep subconciously Rebuffing his attempt at Developing The Relationship Further Even Though Yes I do Have Feelings For him Also ,Like I dont Know If Im not Communicating Fully About How I feel About Him And All That ,Cause Yes Im scared Of Being Hurt, Anyway next Issue I got Sick Last night felt really Unwell Suddenly and called him To Have his support and Company but Instead of fully allowing him to Support me I somehow Rebuffed his care yet again which again is sad ,Im sabotaging a great realtaionship subconciously or something and then to top it off because of all these things happening at once and Not Having much Control over certain things and all that Im Having Alot Of Anxiety and Self Doubt and Feeling Like A failure In every area Theres so much More I should Be trying to do better and Yet for all My suposed effort that I think Im doing for each area its instead amounting to nothing ,so Now Today Im trying To Yet again Figure it all out and Im asking Myself What Is The key To Success in life cause at the momment it doesnt seem like im succedding very much in anything wether that be romantic relationship ,House Car ,Job All Those Important Foundations That I still Dont Have In Place anyway End Of Rnat For Now ,I am Safe just Really Disatisfied with my life