Alone

Hey there @mg88 ,

That sounds so hard and isolating. I can see how much you care about your children and you want to be close to them. Do you see them everyday? Sorry, from your post, I wasn't sure if you were with them or not.

By connecting with members on the forums, I hope you feel less alone while navigating your circumstances.

We look forward to hearing from you.

hey @mg88 welcome again!

i just saw your post on the other thread: https://saneforums.org/t5/Social-space/Alone/m-p/1695862/highlight/true#M461279, i'm guessing it was an accident - would you like me to delete that one?

i'm so sorry to hear how isolated you feel, sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now. have you reached out to others before about you feel, whether that's a friend or professional?

the forums community is here for you, you're always welcome to connect here. a lot of us can relate to feeling isolated too, hopefully you can feel less alone here 💙

Thank you for the reply. Yes I’ve reached out to professionals, I just don’t seem to have purpose each day. I’ve been isolated for so long I have issues with maintaining connections with people.

Thanks for your response, I don’t see the kids each day. Over the five years the battle to maintain a relationships has taking a toll on me and I just don’t know how I can keep going with it. While at the same time there is no escaping the loss of fatherhood and connection with my children.

Hey @mg88 ,

I hear how stressful things are for you and that the situation is really taking its toll. I'm not sure of your particular circumstances, but it sounds like perhaps the focus needs to be on you and your wellbeing.

It's great that you've been able to reach out here because we recognise it takes a lot of effort to do so.

Do you have a doctor you can speak to about how you are feeling?

Yes, I have a doctor. I just don’t know what it is I should be doing. I plan to go for a walk each day but the thought seems pointless when I comes to doing it.

@mg88 sending a sense of solidarity.

I have had to relinquish family relationships and do not believe the family court is as good as it thinks.

As a daughter, I have had to reconnect with my father after his death. Nothing too crazy, just in my own inner world and understanding of him and his life. The world needs good fathers but doesn’t seem to be realising that at the moment. Hmmm.

take care of yourself. Shrink the inner critic and find a decent path for yourself.

It took me a while to be able to re-engage socially.

What about some daily goal-setting here on the forums @mg88 ? Would that help? No matter how big or small the goal e.g having a shower, getting out of bed, having a healthy meal.

Hope you are okay today. Sitting with you.

Hi mg88,

I am a mother who has done shared custody in different time/ways over the years. I have two young adult children and a 9 year old. I am also trying to work out ways to adjust and cope with the situation. I have to move away from my child (costs of living, no suitable work hours, got evicted) so what I have done is look for community groups I can join to make friends and give me something to get up to go to when we move locations which is more hours away from my child. I look at study I can do on campus to also network and feel a part of something. I cannot change what has happened but I know now my child is ok where she lives I definitely made sure of that. He can provide an enviroment that suits her and he can work jobs that work around her. In my last locations I didn't have the same opportunities as he has. I am unemployed atm, in the past I was working all the time, crazy hours, it wasn't good even though the pay was) then we had to move and I had a MH episode.

Regarding connections I call her each week and she is often busy (gaming, friends, park) I don't take it personally if she wants to hang up to go do her thing. I have her on school holidays she leaves tomorrow. Messenger has games that you can play together and bond also of that is a thing you could try. I was lucky that my ex decided that family court wasn't necessary if I am doing things to help my mental health and have support, so we agreed on school holidays with me as it works while I can't work for a few months.

I understand the difficulties and feeling isolated. Not many mothers decide to hand over majority custody but I have to stay healthy so I am able to chat and see them. So it's difficult to find others in my situation. There are a few Dads groups around try to find a positive one that helps you accept the situation as it is so you're not too hard on yourself.

We watch a movie a night with popcorn as our thing the past two weeks. Personally, I have sought help with medication, sleeping and how to prevent another breakdown. Sharing here is a great step. I talk to her about school: teachers, upcoming camp, her new friends and being upbeat about what she is doing in her life in her new town.

I hope things begin to be more positive for you. Are there hobby groups you could try like mens shed?