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Will I ever feel ok without the family and friends thing???

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor22 Feb 2017, 6:37 pm AEDT

Will I ever feel ok without the family and friends thing???

Hi,

I feel utterly alone. Yeah, I know you are all there in forum land, but it isn't the same as having a real live human being who I could pick up the phone and call. I am struggling so much and there is no one. After eight sessions, my psychologist and I are still struggling to find our way. I like her, but the fact that she is unavailable between sessions makes me really question how I'm ever supposed to heal any of the attachment stuff associated with BPD. She describes herself as a psychologist who's practice is "informed by DBT and ACT." However, she doesn't actually DO DBT in the sense of providing the between session support that is prescribed in the model. I keep asking her how the attachment stuff is going to be healed and she seems to be acknowledging that she doesn't know.

I have had so much loss in the past 18 months on top of my already muddled life, that my entire attachment system has shut down. I have been pretty much permanently dissociated for the past 18 months and I know it is because it is the only way left that my brain has of coping. There are no options for help-seeking. There is no one left to turn to.

I can do all the skills-based stuff. I can do the mindfulness and the distraction and the self-soothing...but none of that is going to actually heal the core issues. That can only, by definition, occur in relationship...and I have no human relationships. Everybody has left. Every friend I have ever had has ended up bailing out. There is no one. So...can any human being really create a life worth living when everywhere they turn the message is that the only thing anyone wants from them is for them to keep the hell away???

4 replies

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In response to: Will I ever feel ok without the family and friends thing???

Unknown userMember22 Feb 2017, 8:23 pm AEDT

Re: Will I ever feel ok without the family and friends thing???

Hugs @Phoenix_Rising

Its tough, real tough when there is no human being we can turn to when we need someone. And I do understand that forums don't replace this. I also unfortunately understand how people can retreat away if we appear not to be coping.

This may be a second best option but have you ever considered joining a face to face support group like "grow"? Have you ever tried such a group? In this group there are assigned people you can call when feeling distressed or in need to talk to someone. It may not be family or close friends but it would be a human being that you would know. Which could help. And you will be asked to do the same for others.

How do you create a life worth living? By finding the real you and putting yourself out there to make a difference helping others whom are also in need when you feel better. When sharing your pain in such groups you can then put that aside for awhile and do some activities you enjoy. Learning to feel enjoyment again even if for a hour or two. That's what I had to do. I have met people in the past in these groups whom are alone like you, and who knows - you may be able to help each other. 💕

In response to: Re: Will I ever feel ok without the family and friends thing???

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor22 Feb 2017, 8:51 pm AEDT

Re: Will I ever feel ok without the family and friends thing???

@Former-Member Thank you for replying. I just did some quick googling of GROW groups and wow, nope, that is definitely not what I am looking for. But thank you for replying.

In response to: Re: Will I ever feel ok without the family and friends thing???

Unknown userMember22 Feb 2017, 8:54 pm AEDT

Re: Will I ever feel ok without the family and friends thing???

Evening @Phoenix_Rising and @Former-Member

I was thinking of similar suggestions, group therapy or support groups? Or talking with your psychologist about the possibility of DBT groups? Have you ever tried art therapy?

Connection, finding ways to connect with people sounds important to you, I know it helps me 🙂

Thanks for your response @Former-Member very insightful and supportive.

In response to: Re: Will I ever feel ok without the family and friends thing???

AppleblossomSenior Contributor22 Feb 2017, 9:05 pm AEDT

Re: Will I ever feel ok without the family and friends thing???

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

I can see we both have complicated muddles and I hope I dont trigger you again... but I do "feel" something?? for you. I never got into romantic notions of feeling something for a guy .. I think we all can feel for people of both sexes, it can be called empathy .. maybe .. if I dont put foot in mouth again.

I first met a person in Grow in about 1979 and it kind of put me off the organisation. .. not due to her or their fault but just my associations. She is also one of the people who ended up dying violently during my horror years, but not by her own hand .. it was a mu-rder suicide... and very sad and difficult for tme to process as I had a fatherly relationship with her parnter .. he was kind of a father replacement and father in law.

Sometimes the systems developed to seemingly solve particular issues are not always right for us.

You have talked about being aspie .. usually that implies special interests and skills. Can you connect through something like AMAZE or through your actual skill sets .. I can be pretty aspie like .. it can be a plus and a minus ..??

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