Hi @Matty19901
I can understand what you're saying. I dealt with the same stuff for just over 50 years. Then a serious health diagnosis made me start to change. I realised that when I really needed people for the first time in my life, they weren't there. And all that pleasing them, ignoring things they said and did, always doing what they wanted, never really getting any of this reciprocated... was all for nothing. I realised that I deserved better and that real friends (even family) would never treat me like that.
So while I know it can be so difficult to have these conversations, it's all about boundaries and what you decide you will accept from people. So if they do or say something you find upsetting or annoying, calmly and politely let them know. They will either apologise and stop doing it, or they will blow it off. In that case do you really want them around anyway? For a start, when you find yourself in a position in life where you need them, they won't be there.
So for me deciding on what those boundaries are, helped me to decide what I wanted or needed from people around me. It was basically just the same as I tried to do for them anyway. Yes, it meant there were now less people that I have much contact with, but the ones I do I feel I can trust, and I know they will be there for me when I need them. It has also made me much more open and honest with them about how i'm feeling at times because I do feel I can trust them. And it works both ways. They also feel they can trust me when they're having bad days. Which makes me feel not only that I have more supportive friends (even if there's less of them) but it's allowed me to feel like I am more important to them as well. Something I never really felt before.
I know it's not an easy thing to change and there's always that inner voice that says "don't make a fuss", but the reality is it's what you deserve and only you can make it happen. But once you know who the people are you can count on, it becomes so much easier. And a true friend is worth 100 that don't treat you as an equal.
Being 'nice' all the time, even when people do and say things that you don't like wears you down over time and it builds up. This could be why you're getting angry so easily. That frustration has just built up and needs to come out somehow. This is how it was for me anyway.
I was also honest with my partner about how I felt and how much it was affecting me. Granted, it was easier for her to understand because of my serious health issues, but it allowed us to talk and we've both tried to adjust now that we both understood the things that we both found frustrating. It's brought us closer as a result. As I told her, it wasn't so much about her, but that what I had put up with from other people for so long in my life had just made me a bit sensitive to certain things that normally wouldn't be an issue at all. Explaining it like that made it much easier for her to understand why even small things upset me.
Like I said, none of this is easy, but its all about constantly reminding yourself that how you feel is completely valid and people who care about you should respect that. If they don't, then they don't care and is that really the sort of person you want in your life, because all they will bring is stress, pain, frustration, and you'll never really be happy.
It's never too late to change any of this. The people who care about you will understand and will be glad you've told them. The hurt and pain caused by continuing to ignore it will only build over time and you don't deserve that. You've reached out here and shared how you feel, which I imagine wasn't easy, so it takes a lot of strength to do and its a great first step you've made. So be proud of yourself and use it to guide yourself to make more changes to allow you to find peace and happiness in life. Because trust me, life is just too damn short to accept that stuff from people. None us us deserve it.
