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My life has imploded

PixelatedpixieNew Contributor29 June 2025, 3:56 pm AEST

My life has imploded

A few weeks ago, I discovered that my husband has been unfaithful for most of our marriage. I found a phone that he had been hiding with hidden social media accounts, full of women that he was sleeping with. One of these women he had been sleeping with for around 2 years. He swore that he didn't have feelings for any of them, however that he started looking for attention elsewhere because he felt like I hated him and made him feel unwanted. Not only did I have to try and comprehend his betrayal, but I also discovered that he had passed an STI on to me.

We have been living in the same house since then as there is very limited housing available in my area. My life has become a cycle of obsessing over real estate, attending inspections, lodging applications all while he keeps telling me that he doesnt want me to leave, he loves me, and he wants to find a way past all this.

My head feels like it is going to explode. I dont know why, but his sadness feels like it is my fault and responsibility and I am struggling to stay strong. I dont understand why I feel sorry for him when it is my life that has imploded. My family refuses to speak to him and I feel so trapped and alone because I am just stuck until I find somewhere else to live.

I barely get through a day without crying and he keeps hugging me and trying to be affectionate with me and convince me to stay with him and I just feel so hopeless. I am seeing a counsellor and on medication but I am struggling to cope. Part of me wants to work it out with him but I think it is just because it feels comfortable and easy. There were alot of red flags during the relationship to suggest that his infidelity started long before he says it did. He has also shown signs of being narcissistic, controlling and jealous of what I did and who I spent my time with, all the while he was doing whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted.

I dont know what I am wanting to achieve from this post.

2 replies

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In response to: My life has imploded

PeermumsurvivorNew Contributor29 June 2025, 4:02 pm AEST

Re: My life has imploded

I'm so sorry you are going through this. There isn't much I could say to make you feel better, but I SEE you and what you are going through. Try to be gentle on yourself, try to do something for yourself each day, aim to eat 3 meals and shower, treat yourself to a bubble bath or whatever makes you happy. Try surround yourself with supportive friends who can distract you from the stuff happening at home for a little bit.
You are doing the right thing, it's very hard to repair the relationship after all he has done. And if you hadn't found the phone, would he have ever told you?
You deserve love, you deserve respect. You deserve happiness, and you'll find all these things on the other side of this rough human experience. That's how I refer to the shitty phases I've gone through and it helps.

**hugs**

In response to: My life has imploded

seaprincessNew Contributor29 June 2025, 5:33 pm AEST

Re: My life has imploded

It takes courage to reach out about something like this, unfortunately for me I’ve had similar circumstances and stayed for the kids. Not together anymore but still under the same roof due to no other living arrangements and buying a house together -(still paying it off). While it’s great to accept some sort of responsibility in the role you have played I urge that you don’t place the whole blame on yourself as a conversation about the issues could have been had with you before he went out and cheated. That choice is 100% on him despite what was going on at home. His mistake also became a choice so please keep that in mind before committing to anything without real change. I’m here anyway for support if you need so. I do suggest you seek professional help & assistance though. I understand the living arrangement & I myself feel very much the same except I can’t go to any inspections due to being so rural with no rentals at all. If part of you would like to rekindle therapy is a must on both parts, it is not your job to fix something you didn’t break entirely. He played a very big part in this while also bringing home an std to you. My advice would also be to abstain from intercourse without protection in case this is all lies on his part just to keep you from leaving. Unfortunately some men just want the best of both worlds, this decision is completely up to you but just know you have my full support regardless of what you choose to do. You do not have to do this alone completely.

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