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Managing relationships

ruminating over a break up with a Narcissist

gayuNew Contributor

ruminating over a break up with a Narcissist

wanted to connect with ex Narc survivors to hear their experience .I ended a 3 year relationship with my fiance and Im strugglings to stop thi8nking of him .He was constantly meeting his ex a married woman I discovered by going through his phone ( not my proudest moment !) and ofcourse he downplayed it tried to gaslight me into beleieving it was nothing .l Told him not to repeat it again and he said he wouldnt and ofc a few months later i see her messages to him , Instead of ignoring he asks her to call him ,when i confronted him more lies .I called her she swears it was nothing she doesn't like him and i befriend her all the while she says how sorry she was to hurt me didn't know how serious the relationship was and how i deserve better .A few months later she tells me he has yet again reached out to her and how she hates breaking my heart but owes me the truth .He ofc denies it says it was nothing and she means zero to him etc etc .6 monthys later begging me to return and i see yet again in the time we were broken she and him carrying on behind my back .All she said and befriending me was more lies .I left im so tired and exhausted I cant keep doing this .any others experienced this? I left the country and am not in touch but i keep thinking I need to email her as to why she hurt me ?

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In response to: ruminating over a break up with a Narcissist

Unknown userMember

Re: ruminating over a break up with a Narcissist

Hi @gayu welcome to the forum, firstly I'd like to say good on you for having the strength to escape early. It took me 17 years to break free and escape. Honestly the best way is to go no contact with them, (I had no choice due to having 3 children, so it was especially hard maintaining boundaries and preventing any further manipulation) you'll never get an apology or an explanation, you know that they will never acknowledge their part, their actions, they will always either find something or someone else to blame, or they will make you feel as though you're crazy or over reacting. You know their tactics. Personally I wouldn't bother emailing his ex asking why she hurt you, the thing is that she hurt you, her actions spoke louder than any words that she could use to justify her actions.

It can take years to recover from a relationship with a narcissist, depending on the severity of course, and unlearning the behaviours that you learnt to survive with them is especially challenging.

In a nutshell, you've escaped early, you now have the time to focus on yourself, heal, grow and create a life you love and the right person will find you, to share and grow with you.

Thankyou for sharing your experience, and don't be afraid to reach out! many others have been through what you have, and we like helping those who've experienced what we have recover.

In response to: Re: ruminating over a break up with a Narcissist

Unknown userMember

Re: ruminating over a break up with a Narcissist

@gayu Only thing to do with narcissistic is make a complete break. Unfriend, block and have no contact. I know from personal experience from couple years ago, it can be easier said than done and can generate a lot of pain and upset

Narcissists will never admit they are wrong. They choose their words that have the other person appearing to be in the wrong. Narcissistic are manipulative and only look after themself.

sending big hug to you. Please know you are not alone.

In response to: ruminating over a break up with a Narcissist

RiverSealModerator

Re: ruminating over a break up with a Narcissist

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