Stuck

Hi @AzzyWazzy

I'm so sorry to hear of all of the hardships and loss that you've faced in such a short period of time. I'm so glad that you've felt able to share here and hope that getting some of this out helps in some small way.

What really stands out to me throughout your post is your strength and your resilience. Even though these events have understandably left a large impact on you, you've still been able to keep going, even if it's just one moment at a time.

It's great that you're seeing your GP today. While you're there, might I suggest you mention the waitlist for the psychologist you were referred to (if you were referred to them by this GP). I also just wanted to add, that if it's not a specialised psychologist who you feel meets your specific needs, you are able to see whichever psychologist that you choose even with a referral. Mental health care plans can be exchanged between psychologists, even if you've had a few sessions with one, you can switch and do the rest with another. So if there are suitable psychologists out there with less of a wait time I might suggest exploring that as an option.

Another option for support in the meantime that could suit is SANE's Guided Recovery. It's a free service that you can learn more about here.

And of course, the forums are here to support you too 💜

@AzzyWazzy which state are you in?

My GP referred me to a psychiatrist in Sydney, 4hrs away from where I live. He did this in April and there were no appointments until August. I was in a similar position to you. Helpless. Thinking of ending it all.

I called the NSW mental health hotline and within 10 days days I had an appointment with a psychiatrist.

Unfortunately I've had a shocker with the first GP (useless). I have now changed GP's and he totally gets it.

Call the hotline if you're in NSW and tell them about your thoughts to end it. They will triage you.

I hope you find the help you need.

I think from reading your situation you have been a victim of "parental alienation" that your husband has painted the picture so that you're always the bad guy, and he's always the good guy.

Hes got ALL the problems, and you ARE the problem, in his mind.

My mum was insecure when I was a young child she 100% manipulated my emotions to reflect "Mum is better than Dad" and it caused very large problems between me and my father as I would echo Mums opinions that everything dad does, is inferior. She did not want to listen to me telling her how much I loved my dad, she wanted me to praise her instead. Her own ignorance that the children love and praise BOTH parents as part of their natural development.

Ultimately I came to see my mother as a revolting manipulator who turned me against myself and sabotaged my life. Most people don't come to this point, they believe ardently in the lies that their family tells "I love you Mum, but only if you let me live in your house for free".

My brothers play on my mothers self loathing to get money out of her, I don't talk to her as she is a beyond ridiculous joke who pays to be abused and degraded - rather than fixing herself she play these games and there's grandkids involved now.

So I turn my back to witness a third generation of child abuse from a very sick old woman. You have to choose in life to, stay with the tormented head games and be a part of that or walk the very lonely path of honesty and righteousness. I am so lonely in life, I miss my family terribly but to witness them biting, scratching and abusing each other as daily habits is disgusting to me: I wouldn't stick around to watch someone getting bashed on the street, I don't watch my mother and 2 brothers abuse and degrade each other in a very, very sick game of "repeating family violence because we enjoy it and we do not to evolve and learn better ways of existing because that would stop our little private culture inside our houses that we hide from other people in the community"

Hmmmmm. No thanks, nope no way.