Miscommunication - Help please!

Hey @benji2705, thank you for sharing your experiences with the community!

Sounds like you are going through a challenging time with your partner and their MH. You are really demonstrating your resilience by reaching out to your peers here on the Forums, as it's not easy to be vulnerable with people.

I haven't had a partner throughout my own MH journey, so it's not something that I have lived experience. I believe the community will have some insights to share with you about similar situations.

You might like to introduce yourelf here too: https://saneforums.org/t5/Welcome-and-getting-started/Welcome-Introduce-yourself-here/m-p/1149480

Take care

RiverSeal

Thankyou, this has to be the hardest thing ive ever experienced!

Hi @benji2705

Sounds to me you’re a super patient and compassionate partner who must get quite exhausted with the responsibility of formulating solutions to help resolve spirals. I had a tendency to ask mine questions to try and help guide him to what would work for him. It’s tough especially as mine was so reliant on me for answers that he blamed me for controlling him and his decisions. However, at the same time I was told I’m not being supportive enough. Out of impatience, I used to tell him what he needs to do, but that backfired with him making accusations of me controlling him so I resorted to what my counsellor did to me. He told me to picture a calm moment and what it took to get there. They say breathe and meditate but I couldn’t shut stuff out. I had to consider what it was that made my life peaceful or if I hadn’t experienced it, how could I get serenity. Then, when I was feeling calm and less anxious, I could make informed decisions about how to solve my problems. When I tried that on my partner, he thought I was dismissive, but I asked him to step it out (literally) he’s a hands-on person so I asked what steps would it take and I just got him to step out his own solution for himself. At that time, he thought I was being my weird self, but he gave it a try. I think the movement helped him - like walk it off. I mean, after a while I had to recommend he talk it out with a professional because the cycle was never ending and I became exhausted and irritable, which is not a helpful place for a partner.

Thanks for the reply. I can relate a lot to what you're saying too!

I'll definitely have a proper read of this when I'm home and take it on board.

Its really tough - im very patient and usually calm, but I am getting tired and irritable - some resentment building up too as there is never any space for my feelings or emotions to be discussed.

Hey @benji2705., pat yourself on the back, have a treat and take a break, literally. So many people used to tell me to take care of myself, be kind to myself etc and I’d think “who has time for that?” While I forced myself to, I really felt guilty for taking “me” time but admittedly, when I did treat myself, it made me feel guilty that I actually hated my partner for putting me through it all. I was told that that’s quite natural given the amount of time I neglected myself. Now, I’m in a similar situation, but this time I’m a carer for my mum and already I’m forgetting to be kind to myself yet again. 😀 so I’ll follow my own advice.

Hey, you’re a wonderful, caring person for sticking around and being so supportive to your partner. It takes a lot of strength to stick to your commitment and relationship , some would’ve found it too much for them.

all the best

M