Just a chat

Hey @Happychipmunk ,

Welcome to the forums! Great to have you with us.

I'd like to introduce you to @Till23 🙂 You can also meet @Oaktree @Shaz51

Hi @Happychipmunk

Welcome to the forums. Sounds like we have stuff in common. I have a happy marriage but I don’t burden him with my childhood trauma stuff. I would prefer him not to know. It’s complicated. I don’t have many friends either.

Hi @Happychipmunk and welcome to the forums. I have found the forums to be a welcoming and supportive place. Just a quick technical thing when you reply to someone just tag them with the @ so that they know you've replied, sometimes there is a lot of chat on here and posts can be missed.

I see @tyme has tagged me in her reply.

I am also a survivor of child abuse.

It is very difficult for people who have not been through it to actually understand.

Of course even amongst survivors there is a huge range of experience and healing journeys.

Do you or have you had any psychological support?

Do you feel as though you have lost friends because of the child abuse?

You can say as much (without details) or as little as you like on here, but don't feel pressured to share anything at all.

Hello @Happychipmunk

My child abuse was emotionally and mentally and physically

I am a survivor too but I am married with 4 step children and my childhood still haunts me making me feel I am not good enough and fear of rejection so I don't have any friends

I think being kind to ourselves and to chat with others here to help each other

@Till23 , @Oaktree , @tyme

@Happychipmunk welcome to the forums.

I can relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed by everything at the moment. I'm very slowly learning how to show myself a little kindness and perhaps even more grit and bare knuckled learning how to take the pressure off of myself and to sit with being okay with not getting all the things done and sorted. I've kind of started that process with my studies, maybe...just maybe it'll spill over into other aspects of my life.

So where's an aspect of your life where you can maybe practice relieving a little bit of pressure on yourself?

I can also relate to feeling isolated and alone - to having lost friends and safe places due to my mental health...working through that one. It's a bit of a sucker punch when it hits you just how isolated and alone you are. I hope the forums can make you feel less so, like they've started to do for me.

@NightFury @Shaz51 @ArraDreaming @Till23 @Oaktree

Thankyou all for replying, I’m feeling like my child abuse isn’t the full reason I’ve lost my friends, I understand we all grow apart but I just feel like I get treated differently, especially with two of my best friends I feel like the third wheel ( they are aware of my childhood).

My partner is so supportive, he knows what I went trough but he doesn’t know details of what I went through, I’m also scared that when it all come out in court everyone will just see me differently.

How do I stop this feeling?

Hi @Happychipmunk I always felt on the outside because I had this secret and I knew I was different from other people. Of course the statistics show that I wasn't the only one to be keeping a secret or likely feeling different.

Nobody knows the details of what happened to me, my psychologist knows the most, but that's only in last 3 years.

The court case for me was decades ago, and decades after the abuse. I left so much out of my police statement, because I didn't want it to be in a public forum if it went to court. Fortunately, for me that perpetrator plead guilty just before the court date. So no hearing, he was sentenced to prison.

I don't think people will feel differently in a negative way, they are likely to be more empathetic. People who think of you negatively are probably not people you want around you.

Do you have psychological support? and do have specific court related support? It depends on your state, but you can contact the victim services (might be called something different) in your state for support around the legal stuff.

You might also be lucky and get a guilty plea

@Happychipmunk Hi... regardless of how you feel inside always remember most people have their own issues and concerns to be worrying about yours. The people who love you Family Friends will be there to support you, not to look at you differently. Trust those you love to be there for you. I had to sit in a police station with my Daughter when she was 14 while she gave a statement detailing being groomed by a 30 year old. Not very nice listening to it, but it never once changed the way i looked at her or felt about her. I made a point of sitting down with her and asking her if she wanted to discuss it more with me, So she can express her feelings and start healing. Lastly if someone looks at you differently over something like this then show them the door...

@Happychipmunk Explaining how you feel is how they come to understand how you feel. I have not been in this position but just watching an episode of Australian SAS where a male opened up about being abused for 2 years, And then said nothing for the next 22 years because of the humiliation etc. I said to my Son who was watching with me, This guy carried this around for 22 years torturing himself. I cant speak for everyone but i think most people would not judge someone or think differently about them unfortunately the victim carries the shame humiliation inside frightened to share this with anyone for the fear of being seen in a different light. Free yourself and share your story without shame or guilt is my thoughts on the matter.:)