Heartbroken and feeling grief

My partner is an alcoholic and has been on and off her sobriety for the last year or so now. The longest she went was 6 months. Over the course of our almost 2 year relationship she’s experienced about 4 substance induced psychosis, the most recent one being last night. In all of these psychotic episodes she becomes very emotionally dysregulated and hostile towards me - often believing I have cheated on her.

Last night I brought her to my friends birthday party where there were lots of people all drinking and having a good time. We had started the night drinking together and I went off to go mingle. I was talking to a girl i had just met about our careers and it was a really great conversation that sparked a lot of inspiration and motivation for both of us respectively. When my partner saw us talking she had interpreted some flirtatious behaviour (which was not the case for neither the girl i was talking to nor me). This is when she began to spiral, asking me to admit I thought she was attractive and so on. The night ended very badly with half the people from the party and police being involved. Naturally i feel very embarrassed that she was screaming at me, crying hysterically in the street in front of all my friends. Luckily, they were all understanding and handled the situation (as most of them are nurses and front line health care workers).

Now, I am processing feelings of disappointment, anger, sadness, feeling let down etc.

I know she can’t change the fact this is mental health, but she can make informed choices with choosing to drink or take drugs. I know I can’t force her to change or make better decisions, and I also know I can’t be with someone who becomes so volatile, unsafe and unstable. It creates so much rupture in the trust in our relationship and it becomes exhausting. I love her so much, i can truly picture the rest of my life with her, but this kind of behaviour is so concerning and i feel so torn with what to do.

I have told her i need space and I’m not ready to have any long conversations, im just checking in occasionally to ask if she’s okay and tell her i love her.

This time feels very different to previous episodes. In the past i’ve been so angry and felt my body be full of hatred and resentment towards her. Now, I miss her and i feel so sad and heartbroken. i think i’m experiencing grief, does this mean my body heart and mind are telling me to leave? Am I preempting us breaking up over this? Somehow it doesn’t feel fair because it is mental health, but i also can’t experience something like this again. I’m at my limit.