Feeling down

hey @HowWhatWhy firstly - welcome to the forums!

if i'm honest, it seems like his communication/reaction was quite poor? i feel like there's nothing wrong with asking about things like why someone updated their profile, and being given a response like:

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@HowWhatWhy wrote:

He replied he was only talking to me & then followed up with "but if this is a drama I'm a big boy, I'll just move on" & "I didn't think I needed your permission to update my profile".

seems like a defensive tone from them despite being asked a question and not accused? and then adding things like 'i'll just move on' seems a bit unnecessary, it reminds me a bit of how gaslighting begins. i'm so sorry you were treated this way, you did not deserve to be shut down and just blocked over something as simple as a question. personally, i don't think you asked too much of him AT ALL, i've been in situations where i've asked similar questions and been made to feel like it was a big deal... but only after days of reflecting and talking to my friends did i realise that his reaction made it big and not me.

i do also want to say, it takes a lot of courage and energy to put yourself out there again - and it's really great you gave it a go! glad your daughter was there to be a second pair of eyes too, i've also found my friends pick up on things that i don't really question. it's absolutely okay to feel exhausted and hurt, you put your time, effort and heart into this - but please know that this doesn't reflect poorly on your worth or you as a whole. i hope you feel okay soon 💙

Thank you so much rav3n. It's good to have some validation as that was exactly my first thought... very defensive and maybe a gaslighter. My previous partner was a huge gaslighter which made communication very hard & often combative, something I definitely want to avoid. I guess the trick is to remain open hearted & a little bit wary, a hard balance, until you really get to know a person. Keep doing the things you like & maintaining friendships & if you do connect but it ends up not being what you'd thought remember what you deserve & the woman that you actually are... a woman of worth & worthy of love that is intentional, respectful & kind. I appreciate you @rav3n

i love what you wrote here:

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@HowWhatWhy wrote:

Keep doing the things you like & maintaining friendships & if you do connect but it ends up not being what you'd thought remember what you deserve & the woman that you actually are... a woman of worth & worthy of love that is intentional, respectful & kind.

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always here for you if you wanna chat or need that validation - i know that it's so easy to second-guess ourselves, and that's often because we've got big hearts that want to give people a chance. keep being the amazing person you are 💙

@HowWhatWhy and anyone else polite enough to listen to me.
🤗
I am a bloke and reading through the original post I was ticking off all the blokey red flags... by about flag 4 I was like screaming in my head.
"RUN FORREST RUN!!!"

You dodged a bullet my friend.

Thanks for your post, I appreciate it @ThagSimmons