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I just cancelled an overseas holiday at the last minute due to anxiety

4000craigNew Contributor11 May 2025, 8:17 am AEST

I just cancelled an overseas holiday at the last minute due to anxiety

I canceled an overseas holiday that I had been planning for 6 months at the last minute. I need help understanding why. in the week and a half leading up to the trip I started to feel tight in the chest and neck and getting headaches that wouldn't go away. We had been to Japan last year ( 2024 ) and New Zealand the year before with no problems and were about to go again just 2 days ago. I had planned everything to the last minute and organized everything. Naturally my wife is upset and extremely disappointed and the guilt and shame I feel is something I have never really felt before.

Did I "over plan" ? I looked at every single possibility of what we were going to do, where we were going to go, what train station we were using, what exit at that station so we didn't get lost, how to get from airport to city and back, what train lines to use, what color train lines to look for, what seats on the plane were the best to book and more. I organized insurance, sim cards, tickets for events, parking at cairns airport, overnight at cairns airport, payment cards in japan, I created a spreadsheet with everywhere we were staying with all the hotel details, I organised an international drivers licence, immigration and customs forms and I kept ALL this information in tabs within a spreadsheet which I checked over about 50 times in the weeks before the trip.

The day before I was overcome with emotions and anxiety and physcially cried, and had a few meltdowns in front of my wife. Im generally a very confident guy, pretty fit and outgoing.

I dont have a fear of flying so what the heck is going on with me ? Years ago I used to have a bit of a fear of failure and didnt do too well in crowded spaces but with light medication and practice I havent had an issue for at least 10 years. I have a great life, am pretty successful and live very comfortably

I need to get this sorted as I want to travel overseas again.

2 replies

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In response to: I just cancelled an overseas holiday at the last minute due to anxiety

AuntGlowModerator11 May 2025, 3:25 pm AEST

Re: I just cancelled an overseas holiday at the last minute due to anxiety

Hello @4000craig,

Welcome to the forums and thank you so much for your post. 🥰

Firstly, I want to start by letting you know that it's okay you are feeling this way right now. Sometimes anxiety can sneak up on us... and it can feel really confusing and overwhelming, so please know that you are not alone and this is a very human experience to have.

After reading your post, I can see how hard you have worked to feel regulated over time, which is an amazing effort. It really does sound like you have planned your trip to a 'T' and I think your attention to detail is a wonderful skill to have. (You'll have to share your tips with me at some point!) That being said, I can imagine that the idea of things not being in your control would feel really scary, especially after so much work has gone into planning. I also understand this is a really big trip for you, so it's important to remember that sometimes our minds will do whatever they can to keep us 'safe', particularly when we are heading out of our comfort-zone.

I am so glad to read that many things are going well for you, but I can hear that you are still wanting a better understanding of what might be contributing to how you're feeling. I am wondering if there could be a build-up of things going on for you here? Sometimes we can feel so in control of external things that we may not realise there have been some underlying internal emotions lingering, asking us for some attention. For some help with this, perhaps you'd like to try a little writing exercise? I often do these two to better understand what I am feeling:

1. Stream of consciousness writing - set a timer for 5 minutes and write everything you are thinking and feeling without a filter. You could start with the prompt, 'I am feeling anxious because..."

2. A Q&A with yourself. Imagine you are in a conversation between your anxious part and your more grounded part of self and then start to explore a back and forth between them - trusting that you absolutely have your own answers. For example, Q: "What am I actually afraid of here?" A: "Perhaps it's because x, y, z..." (Let me know if this doesn't make sense!)

Alongside this, you are allowed to ask for help and having someone hold space for you/help you to understand this anxiety could be very beneficial. Do you have a therapist or someone similar right now?

Lastly, I have no doubt you will travel overseas again soon. It's normal to have ebbs and flows in mental wellness - you are allowed to try again when you are ready. 💛

Looking forward to chatting more soon,

AuntGlow ✨

In response to: Re: I just cancelled an overseas holiday at the last minute due to anxiety

4000craigNew Contributor13 May 2025, 9:43 am AEST

Re: I just cancelled an overseas holiday at the last minute due to anxiety

Thanks heaps for your reply - im working through it and have booked to see a psychologist later this week.

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