Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

How Can I Come Out to Someone Without Feeling Like It’s Forced? + Pronoun Advice for My Racing Persona

ale_inmelbSenior Contributor04 May 2025, 9:35 pm AEST

How Can I Come Out to Someone Without Feeling Like It’s Forced? + Pronoun Advice for My Racing Persona

Hi everyone,

I’ve been thinking a lot about coming out to someone close to me, but I’m struggling with how to do it in a way that feels natural and comfortable. I don’t want the moment to feel forced, awkward, or like I’m making it a big announcement if that’s not really how I feel inside. For those of you who have gone through this, how did you bring it up in a way that felt genuine? Were there certain moments or conversations that made it easier to share? I’d love to hear any tips on easing into the conversation, especially when you don’t want it to feel like a huge event but still want the other person to understand and respect your truth.

Additionally, I’m exploring my identity a bit through a "racing persona" and I’m looking for pronouns other than the traditional he/him and they/them i can use, which might suit that side of myself. Has anyone here experimented with different pronouns for specific personas or contexts?

I’d love to hear your thoughts or suggestions on how to choose something that feels right. Thanks so much for any advice, personal experiences, or ideas you’re willing to share!

5 replies

1 - 5 of 5

In response to: How Can I Come Out to Someone Without Feeling Like It’s Forced? + Pronoun Advice for My Racing Persona

tymeModerator04 May 2025, 9:56 pm AEST

Re: How Can I Come Out to Someone Without Feeling Like It’s Forced? + Pronoun Advice for My Racing Persona

Thank you for sharing @ale_inmelb ,

I'd be keen to read other's experiences.

You may be interested in some of these resources: https://qlife.org.au/resources/qguides

In response to: Re: How Can I Come Out to Someone Without Feeling Like It’s Forced? + Pronoun Advice for My Racing Persona

ale_inmelbSenior Contributor04 May 2025, 10:08 pm AEST

Re: How Can I Come Out to Someone Without Feeling Like It’s Forced? + Pronoun Advice for My Racing Persona

@tyme

I can share a bit about my experience.

So I basically have been living to my biological gender for the majority of my primary school year and maybe year 6 as well. I have been identified as a bisexual for quite a long time now, 6 years to be exact. From year 7 (12 years old) onward, I acknowledge myself as a non-binary and bisexual person but really did not open up much to others, until i entered year 9. Having moved school meant that making new friends, meeting new people and adapting to a new environment. This has made it extremely uncomfortable and hard for me to come out.

Kissed girs, kissed boys, but nothing ever feels so right. I have kept my bisexuality hidden most of the time and only came out to one of my friend from highschool and the foreign teachers as well.

About my family, things never go well when it comes to the gender stuff (except for with my brother, he is 6 years younger and he can actually understand). They (my parents) are very conservative and really just like you were born a girl, and you're always a girl. Plus, we don't even have gender neutral pronoun in my native langugage which makes me feel a bit sad.

I have been having a hard time actually realizing who I am, and how to express myself to others without making it feels too awkward.

I have always been looking to come out to my other friends and maybe even my parents, but I know that not everyone is going to accept me as I am that's why I have refrained from bringing gender and sexuality up in converstation.

In response to: Re: How Can I Come Out to Someone Without Feeling Like It’s Forced? + Pronoun Advice for My Racing Persona

avant-gardeSenior Contributor05 May 2025, 10:42 am AEST

Re: How Can I Come Out to Someone Without Feeling Like It’s Forced? + Pronoun Advice for My Racing Persona

@Jynx may be able to help with this, I'm not sure when they came out but I can say they have some experience with this.

In response to: How Can I Come Out to Someone Without Feeling Like It’s Forced? + Pronoun Advice for My Racing Persona

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor05 May 2025, 11:32 am AEST

Re: How Can I Come Out to Someone Without Feeling Like It’s Forced? + Pronoun Advice for My Racing Persona

@ale_inmelb hey.

My coming out journey took a while. I'm non-binary, but i first identified as a trans-man.

The thing about sexuality and gender, it doesn't have to be i came out and that's where it will stay forever. It can be as fluid as it needs to be.

I first came out as a lesbian when I was 20, then identified as queer for a bit, started questioning my gender, changed my name, my pronouns etc when I was about 25, startrd hormones, then over the next few years I started to accept the feminine parts of myself and settled with non-binary/gender fluid. I use they/them pronouns, but will accept any pronouns really. I have dated mostly men now, but still identify as bisexual.

The lesson im trying to show in this is that gender and sexual expression grow as we do. I have changed a lot during the years, and so has my identities, but im not ashamed or sad for that journey and as i identified where I was at the time. My trans man years I still think of as being a man, my female childhood/teenyears I knew where hidden behind gender and sexual confusion but they helped shape who I am now.

There is no right or wrong. It's a journey and a process. Just being comfortable in our skin takes time, its hard I empathise with trying to know who or what you are.

It doesn't have to be a showy I come out moment. It can be a casual convo about gender with mates and how it's a hard time feeling confused about it and you might ask advice on what they would do then be like I wanna try some new pronouns, what do you think? Try to be you. If at first it's not right be open to trying other option.

In regards to pronouns there can be a lot to look at. I like Ze/Zem or Xe/Xem but it's not commonly used so I don't use it. But i know of others who do. I use the Mx suffix and most understand that.

In response to: Re: How Can I Come Out to Someone Without Feeling Like It’s Forced? + Pronoun Advice for My Racing Persona

JynxModerator05 May 2025, 6:12 pm AEST

Re: How Can I Come Out to Someone Without Feeling Like It’s Forced? + Pronoun Advice for My Racing Persona

@ale_inmelb hi!! Fellow non-binary oddball checkin in!!

I love your response @The-red-centaur ty for sharing cos I think you captured it perfectly when you said that it can be as fluid as it needs to be!

When I first came out as lesbian, while I was still 'cosplaying as a girl', I was only 15 and I was THE MOST extra about it. I wrote a long note to my folks, left is on the kitchen counter and set up a song w lyrics I felt were emotionally relevant (Iris by Goo Goo Dolls omg so embarrassing!!) and put it on repeat next to the note, and then left it there for my parents to find when they got home from work and I was at my after school drama club.

So ridiculously elaborate but hey, it meant I could be brave in my own way - never could find the words in my throat so I wrote em down.

Then realising I'm non binary meant a whole new coming out, but this time slower, and with more mature people. Took me a while to tell my folks. They took a while to come round. Still makes em pretty uncomfortable but they make the best effort to get my name and pronouns right. Cept my grandma but we won't talk about her 🤣

I think it's one of those 'gets easier as you go' things, where you may only come out to just a few peeps at first but over time it just kinda becomes an after thought and suddenly you're making jokes about how much of a funky lil queer you are.

Community helps w this a lot tho, do you have any trans or queer friends who you feel comfy with?

I like xie/xim (pronounced with a vocal sh sound..? idk how else to describe it), a few of my friends use it/it's - depends on what resonates!! Honestly for me, they/them is just 'close enough' - it STILL doesn't feel quite right but it causes the least amount of brain itch, vs. he/him which is sometimes lovely sometimes awful, or she/her which always feels like a gut punch hey.

Something I did consider as I was choosing my pronouns is just like... as much as I want to live my FULL truth, I still live in a society and using pronouns that even the queer community are unfamiliar with could end up being crappy. But if the feeling of the pronoun is right, then it's right, and the right people will learn to use em 😉

1 - 5 of 5