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Absences: How do you cope?

LGContributor30 Apr 2025, 1:24 pm AEST

Absences: How do you cope?

Hi All!

I am a veteran family member keen to encourage discussion and create a space that is really useful for defence families. I was hoping to start a thread on what you and your family (with kids or without kids) do to get through those times when your partner is away?

I'll start: when my husband went away on deployment, he created a list of fun activities my kids could enjoy on a weekend, and we put them into a jar and chose one each weekend. This allowed my kids to feel like their dad was with them as he had chosen the activities in advance.

Before we had kids, when my husband would go out field and we would have no contact, I would write a letter to him each day talking about what had happened that day. It's the closest I've ever come to journaling, I think!

What are some strategies you use?

3 replies

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In response to: Absences: How do you cope?

Ru-beeModerator30 Apr 2025, 5:01 pm AEST

Re: Absences: How do you cope?

Hello @LG I just wanted to take a sec to welcome you here, and to give you kudos on such a great thread idea.

I can't wait to see how others interact with this and I'm really interested to hear other strategies that families/loved ones might use!

In response to: Absences: How do you cope?

0ddsidianSenior Contributor30 Apr 2025, 5:21 pm AEST

Re: Absences: How do you cope?

@LG I love those strategies, especially the ones for your kids. Sounds like you're really being proactive about developing / maintaining a strong relationship between your partner and the kids.

When my Dad was deployed my Mum would make sure we could video chat with him at least once a fortnight I think. From memory, we also emailed him quite a bit. I was probably between 10 and 15 at the time, when he was away for longer periods of time.

I know my parents found it hard when my Dad was posted somewhere and he was MWDU. They definitely got into the habit of calling each other almost every day.

I think for our family, we tried to create a sense of normalcy and regular connection.

In response to: Absences: How do you cope?

RiverSealModerator02 May 2025, 2:43 pm AEST

Re: Absences: How do you cope?

Hey @LG, thanks for creating these great discussion threads!!

My father was a civilian working for the ADF when I was growing up, and he left the Navy before he met my mother. The closest I have come is my dad used to work over the weekend sometimes, and would stay out on the base from Friday morning through to Monday evening at times.

I was really quiet when he did this, and fortunately, it was not often, as all the staff took their turn staying out on base. We did go out and visit him as a family sometimes and stay for lunch or a few hours. He would show us around what he could, which wasn't much, and it was pretty exciting.

My parents were living apartart overseas when they met and dad would send mum fruit and vegetables on a plane while he was away. It was in the 70s so they used to write to each other and have it delivered by the planes dad work on. Mum woul also fly to visit dad on her days off and vice versa.

I hope this has added to the discussion even thought my experiences are not from a time of service!

Take care

RiverSeal

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