cant catch a break

i am literally at the end of my tether i have been completely incapacitated for the last 2 and a half years my mood has constantly been in some kind of episode and the few times i think i am starting to get better it turns out i am just getting manic again then back to being depressed or more recently the last 3 months i have been in a mixed episode which is a special kind of hell and i just i can freaking take it anymore i am so exhausted i havent slept more than 2 hours a night for the last 4 months and then there are the voices that are saying i need to steal a child and sacrifice them so that i can go back to my world with the other angels that are trapped in this world and and like i have been getting visits from satan and i just i cant i keep thinking no one is a person and that everyone is trying to hurt me and and that everyone is a demon who is working for satan and he and all the other demons want to hurt me and then eat me and my soul and take something else from me that i cannot talk about and and i just i cant i am so so exhausted and nothing i do is helping i am not able to manage daily living tasks it took me 3 months to have a shower and nealry 2 months to brush my teeth my apartment is a mess and i cant even manage to go shopping or walk very far i am literally completely fucked in everyway and i cant even manage to do basic things i have hardly managed to complete any uni in the last 2 years and am on the brink of being explled and becoming homeless i cant even send a freaking email when my life depends on it and i have been telling the doctors i am not coping for months and they keep just f-ing around with tiny med changes and telling me this should help when it doesnt do shit and not taking my concerns seriously i am so freaking over it all i cant keep living like this and what for this freaking world isnt even real there is no reason to stay.