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I am so tired

VyvSenior Contributor24 Apr 2025, 8:59 pm AEST

I am so tired

I am trying so hard to get a job and I am getting nowhere. The only thing motivating me to continue applying for jobs is the sheer blinding panic about money and that state is not conducive to performing well. I just don't know what to do.

I have had a couple of interview with good feedback, although no job offer obviously, but mostly applications just get ghosted. Given the work I put into them, that's so disheartening.

I am also trying to be a good parent to my autistic child with their own mental health struggles. My partner has a casual job and keeps saying they will apply for other things but doesn't. It feels like the weight of everything is on my shoulders.

I didn't want to, but I reached out to an old manager to ask for a reference because they're most suitable to list for a particular job I want to apply for. And they ghosted me too. I feel invisible and redundant.

There are so many things I need to fix at this stupid house we bought, so many big overwhelming things but I have no money coming in.

I know I am not alone is struggling to find work but I feel like I can't catch a break. I am educated, I tailor applications, I present well. I just feel like I stuffed everything up not staying in jobs that could have been great and would have given me much needed financial security. But my autistic brain struggles in traditional workplaces.

I am really just venting and really very sad and sick and tired of myself.

4 replies

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In response to: I am so tired

Ru-beeModerator25 Apr 2025, 11:08 am AEST

Re: I am so tired

Hi @Vyv

Hearing how frustrating and disheartening this has been for you. It sounds like there is so much on your shoulders right now.

I know you just wanted to vent, I hope that getting this out has been helpful. I just want you to know that I hear you and I'm sitting with you.

In response to: Re: I am so tired

VyvSenior Contributor25 Apr 2025, 12:07 pm AEST

Re: I am so tired

Thank you @Ru-bee I am really struggling today. My anxiety is so high. When I was a kid, I used to love the sound of rain outside when I was inside, but now it's a trigger. We are forecast for rain and I am panicking about roof leaks. I am hyperfocused in the worst way. This house was supposed to be a haven and it has brought nothing but stress. We can't even use parts of it because of incomplete repairs.

I am lucky to have a roof over my head, I know. But I have just had enough. Over a period of seven years, I lost my parents, all grandparents and two other family members. I was diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses, one nearly killed me. I had a traumatic pregnancy and birth. The last 15 years of my life has been lurching from crisis to crisis, filled with grieving. In some ways I am resilient, but the trauma always shows up.

I hate feeling sorry for myself, I really do, but I really am at my limit. I've suffered abuse and trauma and faced losing so many people. I just want a quiet life for a bit. I can't cope with what a mistake this house was on top of everything else I have been through.

In response to: Re: I am so tired

Ru-beeModerator25 Apr 2025, 12:31 pm AEST

Re: I am so tired

Sitting with you @Vyv

It's okay to not be okay even though you have a roof over your head, especially if that roof is leaky.

It's also okay to have times when you acknowledge that things are too much, it sounds like you've been through so many hard times in recent years, and even the strongest people have their breaking points.

What do you think would need to happen for you to be able to live that quiet life for a bit?

In response to: Re: I am so tired

VyvSenior Contributor25 Apr 2025, 1:21 pm AEST

Re: I am so tired

@Ru-bee what I was hoping for was to make this house a home and a quiet life would look like safety and security and less stress. That's changed now and I think to even begin to feel any safeyy and security, I need a well paid job, which admittedly will introduce a different kind of stress, but then I could take steps towards repairs and, eventually, selling and moving on.

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