Bipolar 1 and Quiet BPD

Hi all,

I've been struggling with a severe depressive episode over the last couple of months and have been having a lot of trouble getting any timely assistance.

I couldn't risk my job by being admitted to hospital so I've stayed safe as best I can but I have definitely been making bad choices.

I've tried to change psychologists (was seeing someone specifically for trauma/EMDR) and finding someone available outside of work hours has been such an effort.

I finally have appointments at the beginning of May.

However, I just found out through reading my referral from my GP that they've tacked on 'likely Borderline Personality Disorder' to my BP1 diagnosis and I am shattered by it.

No one has discussed it with me or offered me resources, no one has taken my safety seriously and I'm afraid it is one of the reasons I have been turned down by clinics as a 'too hard basket' patient.

From the research I have done, I can see how they have come to the conclusion of 'Quiet BPD' but I'm left questioning my entire sense of self with noone to contact.

There is not a single service I've approached that has the resources to just listen to me vent. I have no safe space or person to be honest with in my life. It's all building up like pressure and the need for escapism grows every day.

Has anyone else received this dual diagnosis and used the information to help themself? I feel like I've been given the kiss of death and am too far gone to help.

Are there any resources that can be recommended? I know about DBT but I really struggle with structured therapy and it doesn't feel like something I can tackle on my own and I have so many other things I want to address first.

Does anyone know of services where you can talk to someone anonymously and get some of the guilt off your chest? My relationships are suffering because of my dishonesty and it's eating away at my brain.