Is there really such a thing as moving forward?

Hi everyone,

So currently I’m sitting in the APU (adult psychiatric unit) been here five days now so it’s like a lifetime I don’t have any leave it all started off feeling the word that I can’t say because my post about flag but I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talking about I just continue to get worse and worse I just felt like there was no other choice than try and use this as a last resort. I miss my dog and my partner and I want my damn shoe laces.

medications didn’t seem to be helping any more. I didn’t find joy in anything, not even gambling any more which was about the only thing that I did find joy in I was drinking more and more every day, sometimes waking up at 7 am and drinking till midnight, at least a slab a day. Obviously that was not doing any good for my mental health and enough is enough. I will end up in hospital. I can’t stop having terrible nightmares from PTSD. I have OCD I have ASD I have ADHD I have the whole alphabet life kinda seems really pointless at the moment. I’m sitting here in my room there’s nowhere to go because people are there are punching walls walking up and down the hallway screaming At the top of their lungs, crying, laughing you name it.

Being a long weekend all the psychiatrists and the doctors are on holidays. Probably getting paid $500 an hour to be in far north Queensland or wherever they choose to holiday in their fancy home so everybody’s kind of stuck in here. I’m not a smoker and they have banned smoking over the last six months, so you can imagine the people that do smoke are really flipping out, and it’s not making things too pleasant. So basically I’m confined to a prison cell doped up[edited by moderator] which is really not doing anything. They’ve put me on a new drug to stop the nightmares for PTSD which I started last night which can really lower your blood pressure so I needed to go to the toilet in the night and I almost passed out so there’s another side-effect. I’m going to have to deal with and I really don’t see a way out of here. I’ve been in an out of the mental health system for about the last 20 years and I just really don’t see a way forward.

I have tried groups I have tried online meetings I’ve tried the men’s shed and I have tried making new friends~ To be honest, I really don’t give a shit about it because I know it all the stands in the same way. So yeah my rant is over and normally I can see a bright future and all my friends that always said no matter what you’ve gone through you’ve always come through the other side, but this time there is no other side and I don’t think I’m coming through.