Finding a social life and connecting with others at 35

Hey there @Kalliades ,

Welcome (back) to the forums! I hear how isolating life can be @Kalliades .

I can totally relate to being around so many people yet feeling alone. Over the years, I've learnt that 'loneliness' was a state of mind for me. MH recovery didn't happen for me until my early 30s, and this process went well into my mid 30s so that I could be in a place of saying that although I now DON'T have people around me, I actually don't feel lonely

I hope I'm making sense. In other words, for me, when I was feeling depressed, it didn't matter what company I had because I still felt alone in my struggles.

Nowadays, I live alone and spend a lot of time alone but I don't feel lonely at all.

It may be worthwhile to re-evaluate your meds. It can be a dosage issue that makes you feel the way you are. Definitely worthwhile speaking to your team about it.

For me, it took a while to get my med right, but once it was right, the meds were strong enough to ease the low mood, but it wasn't too strong so I felt disconnected for reality.

Please hold on. Recovery is very possible.

We are here for you mate.

Take care and let us know how you go.

Hi @Kalliades

Welcome back, and thank you for your honesty, it takes real strength to speak from the heart like this.

What you're describing, feeling like an outsider in your own life, not feeling connected, grappling with emotional numbing and the thought of starting a socila life at 35, sounds overwhelming.

I have experienced feelings of numbness and disconnection when taking medication, but just the same, I have also felt like this when taking no medication. I think this is a complex but not uncommon matter for people mental health issues, especially struggling to find the right medication and dosage. I hope your treating professional can shed some light on this matter for you.

Starting a social life at 35 might feel daunting, but its not impossible. In fact, there are many people who face this challenge, due to a change in life's circumstances, divorce, relocation or simply realising later in life that they want more genuine connections. Maybe joining a local interest or hobby group, saying yes to a casual invite or reaching out to someone you feel drawn to, could be a simple start.

After my divorce, aged 40, I relocated and had to build a whole new life, it was scary, I'm not a social person, but slowly over time, I made connections and now have a circle of supportive friendships that I value.

Please don't be hard on yourself for what you didn't do earlier in life. You were surviving the best way you knew how. That isn't a waste of 20 years doing nothing, it's resilience. Now you're trying to do something new and I wish you all the best forming new quality connections and learning more about yourself along the way.

We're here walking alongside you.

Kindly Alisse

Thank you both for your words.

• I just don't want to do this anymore. It's all too hard.

No one would really miss me.

Yeah, they'd be sad initially. But it wouldn't last. They'd quickly realise that I didn't really add anything to there lives and they could be happier without me weighing them down.

Can totally relate to that feeling @Kalliades I'm sorry that you are sitting with this.

I think for me, thinking about suicide and in particular, how others would feel about it, was a way for me to like.... 'assess' who I thought really cared about me. And it would reinforce my feelings of isolation because I would always imagine people being unphased or even relieved.

Over time I realised that I actually couldn't possibly know how it would impact people.... And that my mind was always more cruel than reality about how folks would react. I even realised that when my friends got angry at me for my SI, it was actually because of how much they cared. Took a while to work through that shame tho I tell ya what!

Anyway, those are just some of my experiences, dunno if it's helpful or not. But do know that you're not alone hun, and that you mean more to this world than you think you do 💜

@Kalliades you shared a lot and deeply. It takes courage. Hearing you about the issues with feelings and numbing with meds. I guess the theory is that sharing our vulnerabilities helps with connection but it also can be fraught…. Take care of yourself. Don’t let self doubt overwhelm you. The child raising stage can be long and both tedious and stressful. Good to see you around…

Apple

Hi @Kalliades

I can hear your pain @Kalliades and I'm sorry you are going through this.

You sound exhausted and are questioning what value you hold in the lives of those around you.

All I can say is that I've learnt not to trust my thinking at times like this. Saying to myself, "These are just thoughts and feelings, I don't need to do anything, just breathe deeply and let them pass."

Be kind to yourself, do something nice and comforting, this will pass.

Kindly Alisse