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Perception of self

Ot2Contributor15 Apr 2025, 9:04 am AEST

Perception of self

Hi online world,

Recently I've realised that I disconnected from people unless I'm doing a hobby or something with them. General conversation feels pointless although I know it's important to continue building friendships and relationships with people. I guess I'm having a hard time willingly and putting myself into situations where I can talk to people or starting conversations with people. I guess I'm a bit scared of being rejected. I wonder if the energy that I feel I put out is perceive the same way that others see me. I mean that less in the way that I'm changing who I am to please other people but if I'm seeing how I'm acting and reflecting on how I behave is coming across to others. When I'm in a mood or something I have hard time seeing and reflecting on myself.

Any thoughts or similar experiences?

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In response to: Perception of self

AppleblossomSenior Contributor15 Apr 2025, 9:33 am AEST

Re: Perception of self

@Ot2

I was a very much a people pleaser most of my life. I wasn't even conscious of it. My circumstances did not allow me to have a big strong energy. One woman even said I stunk of fear. I didn't know. I thought I was doing the right things being polite and respectful and all that. I didn't make friends that way, for all my goodness, work in the community and bending over backwards for people.

I am making more social headway since I developed a sense of humour, it's a bit droll and dark, cos for a long time there wasn't much funny to laugh at. It has to be true to one's own self to be helpful to oneself and the others in your space. Eg I was in a rehearsal and we had cream cake in the break and I started licking the plate. Yes, it made someone laugh. I didn't do it to make them laugh, but a sense of taking the Mickey out of myself comes out these days. Something has changed in me, where my neediness isn't the only thing people see.

We all do need connection. It's natural. I was mostly a wallflower girl looking on fearfully. Maybe it's about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I don't really know. You need to honour your own path. Doing activities is a good way to meet people. After a period of isolation, I did find I needed to learn to stand up for myself and not keep retreating. Good luck with it all.

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