Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Am I The Only One To Feel This Way

TryinghardtoSenior Contributor11 Feb 2017, 8:39 pm AEDT

Am I The Only One To Feel This Way

Hi everyone.

Havent been on this forum for a while. Having a few bad days. Since my relationship broke down I am having trouble dealing with life. I still love my ex but realise the relationship was toxic. I am currently seeing a phychologist who has had me looking into my childhood and has made me realise I keep making the same choices . Mainly with men. I am fifty years old and have had three romantic relationships in my life. I am scared of the present and scared of the future.I dont want to live my life on my own But I cannot keep hurting like this. I almost forget what if feels like to be happy. . Sounds stupid but I dont meet many men . dont work because of my mental illness and am scared of always being alone. Does anyone else feel this way?

3 replies

1 - 3 of 3

In response to: Am I The Only One To Feel This Way

Unknown userMember11 Feb 2017, 10:58 pm AEDT

Re: Am I The Only One To Feel This Way

Yes can fully relate to your happiness statement, unemployment when you can't afford to shop like working people do, Relationship was toxic but are you constantly having second thoughts because you confuse loneliness for actual feelings?,that's what my problem does.I don't think I am worth having a relationship with because of my mental illness,I'm set in my ways,and I am broke due to long term unemployment.I don't meet many men either.I think but we have to come to a peace with ourself,which is hard otherwise you are of no good to anyone else,and vulnerable to toxic relationships or other problems .If only we were the lucky ones who have met the right one and fit together like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle.

In response to: Am I The Only One To Feel This Way

utopiaSenior Contributor12 Feb 2017, 12:09 am AEDT

Re: Am I The Only One To Feel This Way

@Tryinghardto - yes I've felt like that. We have been taught that feeling lonely needs to be avoided. Society tells us we need to be in a pair - or be happy all the time.
But I can't see how being with someone will make me happy.
I think we need to learn to be comfortable with 'alone time'. Learn to love ourselves - before we can love others. Learn to accept who we are - before we can accept others - into our hearts.
As you continue working with your therapist - hopefully you will start finding new opportunities to join in with other people in the community. New groups to join. Or volunteering. Trying new activities. Learning more about yourself and liking you.
Notice little things. A cool breeze on your skin. The sound of birds in the morning. The smell of your favorite flower or food. These small things - can bring happiness. The more you focus on these - the more you will notice ither things that bring you happiness.

In response to: Am I The Only One To Feel This Way

Unknown userMember13 Feb 2017, 12:26 pm AEDT

Re: Am I The Only One To Feel This Way

Hi @Tryinghardto,

I certainly don’t think you’re alone in feeling this way, and I can hear how discouraged you must feel with this most recent relationship breakdown, particularly when you say that you still have love for your ex, but that the relationship was a toxic one. It’s ironic how being in relationship can so often make us more stressed and unhappy than when we are alone.

This aside, ultimately I hear you’re feeling alone at the moment, and loneliness is tough, especially when having a meaningful relationship is really important to you. And it’s certainly not unreasonable to want to share your life with someone, to have a confidant and a companion who cares for you. It’s part of being human to want to connect with others. I’m with @utopia in thinking that perhaps right now is a good time to press into deepening your love and care for yourself. I’m not saying to eschew relationships completely and just be happy on your own – not at all – but perhaps while you’re not receiving love from another, you could try and practice it on yourself. Care for yourself how you’d like someone to care for you and stay open to the possibility that you could be “okay” on your own.

Just some thoughts – they may not find their way through your pain right now, but I do hope they are helpful.

Take care,
supernova.

1 - 3 of 3