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Managing relationships

Unsure what to do

romanempressContributor

Unsure what to do

I am feeling very lost right now.

Last night my partner of a year told me "a good portion of our relationship is shit"

He has also recently taken to telling me I'm lying, or being dishonest in arguments. He has told me to shut up and to stop talking.

I don't lie at all. I struggle to respond to his questions sometimes because I freeze or get confused. I have CPTSD.

He says these things are a sign of the disrespect I show him.

I know this is abusive. He has severe mental health issues and I don't think this is really what he's like, he didn't used to be.

I'm going to tell him today that he can't do any of that again. That if he does, I will leave him

I'm scared, I love him and want to build a life together but I also don't deserve this treatment.

9 replies

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In response to: Unsure what to do

MissGremlinSenior Contributor

Re: Unsure what to do

@romanempress I'm really sorry to hear that you have had to experience this. You definitely don't deserve this treatment from him or anyone. Are you able to sit down together and discuss how you are feeling and why you struggle to respond to his questions?

Know that you are not alone and we are here to support you ❤️.

In response to: Re: Unsure what to do

romanempressContributor

Re: Unsure what to do

We had a chat just now, he apologised to me.

We talked about him getting more help.

I told him he can't disrespect me like that

In response to: Re: Unsure what to do

MissGremlinSenior Contributor

Re: Unsure what to do

@romanempress I'm glad you were able to chat about it and that he apologised.

Hopefully he is open to getting more help.

Well done for standing up for yourself and setting boundaries.

In response to: Unsure what to do

GlistenSenior Contributor

Re: Unsure what to do

@romanempress has your partner behaved like this before?

What happened with his previous relationships?

In response to: Re: Unsure what to do

romanempressContributor

Re: Unsure what to do

Yes he has, but it has increased in past few months

Past relationships have not lasted that long. I don't think anyone has broken up with him because of this type of behaviour though.

In response to: Re: Unsure what to do

GlistenSenior Contributor

Re: Unsure what to do

@romanempress I came out of a 13 year coercive control DV relationship.

I’m still learning how to apply boundaries and not to be a people pleaser.

If I’m emotionally or socially invested I let things slide that I shouldn’t.

Then I get disappointed with myself. But I have managed to implement a three 3️⃣ strikes policy.

It works for me.

I hope you find peace ☮️

In response to: Re: Unsure what to do

romanempressContributor

Re: Unsure what to do

It's confronting to wonder if I'm in a DV relationship or not. I don't think I am, but then my objectivity is not really possible

Thank you

In response to: Re: Unsure what to do

sunnydays1Contributor

Re: Unsure what to do

My partner and I didn't fight or argue for the first 3 years we lived together.
Over the next 25 we did to varying degrees.
He is now in care, I get too much time to think and tend to blame myself for so much due to my poor mental health. There were other causes of this too.
I miss him so much and am very scared and alone. Don't know how I will cope when he dies.
We had so many good times together as well as bad times.
Nobody is perfect
Maybe touch base with a counsellor to help with an objective opinion.
Sending love.

In response to: Re: Unsure what to do

romanempressContributor

Re: Unsure what to do

Thank you. I'm scared to tell a counsellor because I think they will say it's DV.

there has been one incident which was really terrible

We have had many good conversations the past few days

We are going overseas next week and I'm meeting his family so tensions are high
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