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Approval Seeking/Validation Seeking

meandmybrainCasual Contributor25 Mar 2025, 2:34 pm AEDT

Approval Seeking/Validation Seeking

Hi Guys,

This isn't necessarily related to any specific relationship problem or person but my approval/validation seeking behaviours are destroying my relationships and self-esteem. I have a very long history in which I am constantly adapting my personality to fit into all my relationships, and doing everything and anything to avoid being abandoned - including losing my sense of self. I also have a long history of emotional abuse and manipulation in both my family relationships and romantic. I have ADHD, anxiety, depression and possible BPD.

I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else is in the same boat and what helped you? When I think someone is about to leave me or they have ended our relationship, I go to rock bottom every time - as in become hysterical, erratic and sometimes suicidal. I have so many good things going on in my life but as soon as it happens - it's like I can't see the point of living and I can't feel happiness at all. I'm just so tired of this as im older now and have a daughter, and I don't want her to be around this behaviour or have to see me like that.

I would love to know if anyone has experienced this feeling. Even just hearing that other people have been through it would help.

Thank you.

3 replies

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In response to: Approval Seeking/Validation Seeking

MissGremlinSenior Contributor25 Mar 2025, 3:46 pm AEDT

Re: Approval Seeking/Validation Seeking

Hello @meandmybrain and welcome to the forums. Thankyou for sharing your story and what's been going on for you, it takes alot of strength to reach out.

I just want to say that I too feel the same way when something goes wrong. That you go straight to rock bottom and those thoughts can become very strong. I completely understand how you feel in those times as I go through the same feelings. Have you thought about seeing a Gp and getting a referral to see a counsellor/psychologist? Sometimes learning why we have those feelings and thoughts and how to manage them can really help to change the way things are.

Please know that you are not alone in this, we are here for you.

In response to: Re: Approval Seeking/Validation Seeking

meandmybrainCasual Contributor25 Mar 2025, 9:08 pm AEDT

Re: Approval Seeking/Validation Seeking

Thanks for the reply 🙂 I'm sorry that you have the same experience. I am currently seeing a GP, a counsellor and in process of seeing a psychologist - as I believe its going to take long term psychotherapy for me to begin to understand and change this behaviour. I guess I would find it helpful to see if anyone HAS found a way to overcome this process/behaviour because it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that makes sense.

In response to: Re: Approval Seeking/Validation Seeking

MissGremlinSenior Contributor26 Mar 2025, 3:15 pm AEDT

Re: Approval Seeking/Validation Seeking

@meandmybrain so glad to hear that you are getting some support for yourself. There's definitely light at the end, I'm still not there yet but it's a work in progress. Learning to understand and change the behaviour is the first step in moving forward. I still struggle with it but I have gotten better, there's still certain things that happen and I feel like it's the end of the world but that's when I try to reach out for support rather than getting stuck in that headspace and spiralling further out of control.

It's going to take time, patience and practice, it's like learning any new skill, the more you do it the more it will help. You have taken those first steps and that's amazing so keep going and we are always here to support you along the way 😊.

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