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Long term unemployed. Loss of trust or faith in employers. Isolated and ashamed.

ZolSenior Contributor24 Mar 2025, 12:12 am AEDT

Long term unemployed. Loss of trust or faith in employers. Isolated and ashamed.

I've posted my story before, but I haven't been on here for many weeks so I feel I need to start again from the beginning. I am in the guided counsellor thing here with SANE, but hope to find more support here or elsewhere if possible.
I am trying to keep much identifying info out of what I say.
My story may not sound so extreme, but I am really struggling to move on.
I'm not at risk of self harm, but often don't see any point of attempting to do anything.

I am an older guy and had several jobs. I struggled in some jobs due to the Australian toxic "hostile" males in the sector. I moved into a different sector and although that had other problems for a while, it was much better.

After many years eventually becoming fairly successful and respected, I needed to move on and I wasn't happy with my relationship. I had put all my energy in to my work and needed a change. I left my job to study and then started volunteering. It wasn't a completely bad move to leave my job, but not my wisest move either. The inevitable breakup of my relationship came a few years later.

At that time, the volunteer work was ok, and had short term job that was good. I couldn't get more substantial work and ran low on money so I moved back to my home state. I had some further issues here with a different volunteer organisation. Eventually I got job search help to get a job for a year and then another for 3 months. Both ended badly due to (1) a disrespectful manager and (2) a disrespectful manager and colleague.

I think I have some mild neurodivergence issues that makes me sensitive and that this has impacted me my whole life.
I have had depressive bouts for a long while and I know I have other issues both personal and family related going way back. Partly due to my brother being a bully. Partly due to my family being fairly extraverted and me being overwhelmed. Being the youngest made it hard too because my siblings were older and thus ahead of me in knowledge and life experience. Brotherhood support wasn't a thing. My parents were OK, but worked hard.
Now I think I have PTSD as I struggle to face a possible employer or even write a job application.

I live alone but with some family support from my aging parents. I have some occasional hobbies, but I don't often connect with anyone due to shame and embarrassment about being unemployed.

Sometimes, like today, I CAN talk to strangers. Today, I was bushwalking and chatted with two different groups of walkers.

But I have lost faith or trust of any potential employer and struggle to seek work.
Or in some circumstances, I know I will struggle to maintain my enthusiasm in the job.

I have some remote IT and bookkeeping work but it is not enough. I am back on jobseeker but yet to see a job-search agent. Maybe tomorrow I will apply for a job, but often when I sit down to do it, I can't.

4 replies

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In response to: Long term unemployed. Loss of trust or faith in employers. Isolated and ashamed.

Till23Senior Contributor24 Mar 2025, 1:37 am AEDT

Re: Long term unemployed. Loss of trust or faith in employers. Isolated and ashamed.

Hi @Zol, I could be completely barking up the wrong tree, but it sounds like you are in one of those chicken and egg type situations. You feel like you need to get a job to finance your life and make you feel better, but you need to feel better before you can get the job!
I’m glad you are in the guided recovery program.

The forums, hopefully you found this before, are a welcome and supportive space.

I think many people can understand your situation.

Do you know what the underlying problem is?

For example do you think it’s fatigue, lack of motivation, confidence, embarrassment etc holding you back from being able to take that first step?

If you are able to determine the underlying cause(s) it’s much easier to work towards resolving the problem.

Another thing to think about is perfectionism, I suppose. Do you need to just get A job to build up confidence etc, without thinking it has to be THE perfect job, and then move on to a more sustainable employment situation?

I am sorry you are feeling stuck and hopefully the counselling and the forums can help you to move forward

In response to: Re: Long term unemployed. Loss of trust or faith in employers. Isolated and ashamed.

ZolSenior Contributor24 Mar 2025, 2:50 am AEDT

Re: Long term unemployed. Loss of trust or faith in employers. Isolated and ashamed.

Yes there is a stuck cycle to where I am.

Factors seem to be a swirling storm where I can't seem to find a way to get to either A or B esp when i need to get to A (basic job) and/or B(short study course), which would be good, but where I'd really want to get is C which I think would be more sustainable job in terms of my self esteem.

Factors are:

Fatigue

Being knocked back a number of times. I'm lacking good employment experiences in this city. Lacking self esteem.

Skills out of date.

Interests elsewhere, but not sufficiently skilled to get employment in an area of interest.

Management culture in my current city is hostile and backward.

I expect respect even if I'm not perfect.

In response to: Re: Long term unemployed. Loss of trust or faith in employers. Isolated and ashamed.

ZolSenior Contributor24 Mar 2025, 11:35 pm AEDT

Re: Long term unemployed. Loss of trust or faith in employers. Isolated and ashamed.

Hi. @Till23
I've read a lot about trust based on Brene Brown's research.
I think my problem is that trust has been broken too many times.

I know the way back is to build trust again slowly often with new people.

Sometimes you can try to rebuild trust with the ones that betrayed it.
In my case regarding past employers, that does not make sense.
Those relationships are over.

I need to try again. And I know I can do well when given a chance.
But I have trouble selling myself and building others trust in me and my skills.

In response to: Re: Long term unemployed. Loss of trust or faith in employers. Isolated and ashamed.

Till23Senior Contributor25 Mar 2025, 10:35 pm AEDT

Re: Long term unemployed. Loss of trust or faith in employers. Isolated and ashamed.

Hi @Zol - a lot of people really like Brene Brown's work - I haven't read that much of it, but seems to be pretty good.

Yes - I think you need to move on from past employments and concentrate on getting yourself in best position for new employment. I suppose it depends on your financial position whether you need just any job in the short term, perhaps while doing a short course or just to get the money to allow you time to find a more suitable position.

A lot of people find it hard to sell themselves, including myself, so I can really offer any solutions there, except to say maybe short term discomfort might be worth the long term gain.

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