@Goosehiss I apologise in advance for long post but I hope this will help you. I wish you all the best as a fellow goosehisser and burnt-out-ter
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this and it sounds really overwhelming. I understand what you’re going through and I’m still going through burnout and the overwhelmness of everything. It’s been 5 years and just know things will get better.
I won’t assume how you feel, so I’ll just speak on how I feel and what has helped me.
For me, I do still feel shame and guilt that my neurodiverse self has impacted others.
Like my panic attacks and sudden sick leave or time outs I need to take. It feel vulnerable to me to admit to myself even that I need help in these moments. I think there’s some kind of shame internalised from asking for sick leave, needing to seek constant professional support or even talking about it to others at work or at home. BUT I think it’s important to know that:
- Everyone takes leave for different reasons. Some even do it inappropriately like faking a sickie. The great thing is that you are utilising your leave for its intended purpose, which is time to away to feel better.
- Shame and guilt tends to happen when you’ve felt you’ve done something wrong. BUT you haven’t done anything wrong. There are things out of your control, as equally as if a friend got into a car crash and has seriously injuries. It would be reasonable for them to need time away from work to recover, and even more time to function properly.
- How you feel is valid and as equally severe as if you had a physical injury. Though others may not see it as visually, what you’re going through is as painful and real to you than any other physical injury.
- Be kind to yourself. Comparing how you are now to who you were before is doing a disservice to yourself. As much as it’s not fair for you to compare yourself to your childhood self. You’re an amazing person now, who will have the experience of this tough time behind them.
- Focus on your achievements even the small ones. This could be what have to done today to make yourself feel a bit better is an achievement, like taking yourself to a psych appointment, having a favourite food/snack, doing something you like that you haven’t done in a while.
For work related things that helped me and I know it’s hard. A lot of these took me time to do.
- Reduced hours at work - I was working full time then transitioned to part time to casual (1 day a week) in the last 5 years. Now I’m working part time and considering full time.
- Changing roles either within the company or to a different job. I went from client facing role to data entry to working one-on-one with clients.
- Try volunteering or doing an activity you enjoy on a regular basis. I tried pottery classes weekly for an hour after work, then volunteering at a soup kitchen for a year, do different hobbies at home, looking after a friend’s pet for a day every week.
Finally - when I asked my friend, who had more complex experiences than me, how he stays on top of it all even when it’s hard? He told me it’s not about fixing yourself, like there is something wrong. It’s about thinking of yourself as a car and building a toolbox over time so that you bring it out when you need it. So keep on trying, add and remove things that don’t work for you. Like you said, you’re doing so much better than you were. So your efforts are paying off and your toolbox will only get bigger.
