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Managing thoughts of suicide & self-harm

Struggling with the guilt of being

uhilikefortniteCasual Contributor10 Mar 2025, 11:02 am AEDT

Struggling with the guilt of being

Hey guys, im kinda screaming into the void for this one bc i feel it helps me process my feelings.

TW: Suicidal ideation, feelings of worthlessness

So i have OCD in the most extreme category, meaning my compulsions and intrusive thougthhs take up the majority of my day. This makes it extremely difficult to do everyday tasks and often leads to frequent emotional meltdowns. Well, yesterday I had one where I got upset at my mum for doing something and she ended up being upset that she had upset me and went to her room to avoid upsetting me more (her hanging out in her bedroom is really out of character for her). We ended up talking it out and everything was resolved for the most part. The problem im now having and I feel forever burdened with is the never ended guilt of being alive, being a burden on my family because of my mental illness. I sobbed hysterically for at least an hour yesterday because the guilt and empty void inside me keeps growing. My family and partner keep reassuring me that their lives are better with me in it but in a way the more they reassure me the worse my guilt is. I just wish I was normal, that they could have a normal, independent child and not live with the burden of having to live their lives on eggshells with me.

I guess im coming here to see if anyone else deals with this, and if so how? This has been a problem my whole life but has worsen significantly recently and its genuinely becoming unbearable.

Thank u to anyone who took the time to read this

1 reply

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In response to: Struggling with the guilt of being

rav3nSenior Contributor14 Mar 2025, 11:34 am AEDT

Re: Struggling with the guilt of being

hey there @uhilikefortnite i'm so sorry you've had to experience this.

i don't have OCD myself, however i can relate to feeling like a burden and feeling guilty for being me. i'm really glad you have family and friends to support you and reassure you.

i know it can suck having that heavy feeling. some things that helped me was knowing that i wouldn't feel 'burdened' protecting and caring for someone i love, and knowing that helped me realise that my family/friends are there for me because they WANT to be there. i also try do small things in return to show them my appreciation and gratitude, in that way i feel like i'm giving back a small part of what they've given me.

you are so worthy of being here and getting support. sometimes we forget the quote "it takes a village to raise a child" - although we're not kids anymore, it still takes a range of supports to keep us going. having people surround us and support us doesn't make us a burden- it makes us human.

sending you gentle hugs 💙

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