Failed polyamory

Hello,

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Hey @YungWu, thank you for sharing your experiences with the community!

It souds like you are going through a tough time right now, and you are demonstrating that you are really brave by reaching out to your peers here. It's always hard to be vulnerable with new people and share your story.

I can relate as I have considered polyamorous relationships in the past too, but they never came to fruition. Any relationship requires communication and transparency, and it sounds like you didn't get that. How do you feel it should have been compared to what you explained?

Take care

RiverSeal

feel l was uninformed & not included into any prior agreements. The positive part of polyamory is complete open communication & respect. Quality time, l kept accomodating, i do not believe they applied the basic principles, care & consideration, l spent alot of time in polyamory forum which was both supportive & informative. Perhaps with better education regarding how l shared my needs & dedicating to a committed time to do be with each & sticking to it may have been a sucess. Lot of words but no actions. I believe he just didnt have the bandwidth, sharing emotional energy his primary partner, her kid his three young kids new job shifts which kept changing, too many moving parts. I dont think he was a horrible person. Perhaps someone who refused to see his inability to provide me what l needed. As l have no explanation to being completely shut out. This what really really hurts. & the hurt seems to grow. I dislike talking about. It as l feel l keep picking off the scab..😭

Thanks Riverseal.. I grateful for your kind words.

Hey @YungWu ,

I hear you are experiencing hurt from the loss. It sounds like an incredibly tough time for you, and I can see why you feel rejected and abandoned.

Did you ever speak to them at the very beginning about your expectations or boundaries?

How are you managing now? Do you have supports in place to help you through.

Sitting with you.

• I had asked for more quality time. He agreed. He said alot of things. Nothing was actioned. I kept pushing for more discussions, as l was new to it. Still establishing boundaries. I was getting 3 hrs a week. I didnt get any clarification whether his main partner had veto. It is a hard lesson. Lot of choices were made without consulting with me. So l felt left out. I didnt think they were really following the basic principles of polyamory. courtesy, empathy & respect.. I didnt & cant see what went awry my way.. He just stopped over a week ago to talk to me or respond to my calls/text..
• I have to process this without his explanation

It sounds like a lot to process @YungWu .

What do you think you can do now to help you move forward?

I am trying a group called grow, they promised it will yield results but slowly. I attended a group last night & it was great listening to other people who have struggled & working through it. Positive to be around people, I listen to podcasts re: recovery, l exercise. Try to get decent sleep. Do activities to distract like yoga. Some say not to run. As stress & pain tends to press the fight or flight in us. Some days none of those things work, you just have to ride the storm. Apparently we all designed to weather a few beatings. Not sure l like going a few rounds, like being emotionally beaten up by Mike Tyson.

Thanks for your concern. Ask me in 6 months after the apocalypse has passed. 🤗💛