Abusive parents/gaslighting/is it as bad as I feel it to be?

Welcome. Sorry you have had such a hard time from your parents. It is hard when the people who are supposed to support you and love you the most are toxic. I have had a toxic relationship with my mother who is supported by my Father. While weighing up the effect on my mental health and my desire to have a healthy relationship with my parents. I decided that I still wanted to see my parents who are in there eighty’s I decided that I would keep them at arms length and be graded around the information I tell them and subjects I discuss with them, sometimes I think it is best for me to not have contact but, they are my parents and they will not live forever. My father does not have much time left and would regret it if I did not spend time with him. I believe it is a matter of what you can handle and keeping yourself safe and healthy. I have no contact with my sister because she is more toxic than my mother. My sister treats me like a child and she is 7 years younger than me. You know what is best for you. If you feel like you should run, then have a break from them and see how you go. I only see my parents every couple of weeks.

Thank you @Walkoneggshells . The word toxic really stood out to me. The validation in that is somehow comforting. I've tried to quietly distance myself from them for well over a year now. The result was them pushing harder to force contact. So now I have to get upset and tell her honestly and hurtfully what my feelings are; and I still don't feel heard. I'm starting to realise them pushing drugs at me, despite my attempts and requests to help me quit, was just keeping me sedated for their benefit. It's so hard because I don't want to damage her any further, this all stems from her childhood trauma, I probably inherited the adhd from her also; yet I'm done putting others needs before my own. Maybe because I'm sober, maybe because treatment has my brain functioning better?

I can relate to your sister situation tho it's only 18 months younger for my holier than thou female sibling. Since getting a formal diagnosis I'm treated better now. That's a double edged sword of hypocrisy in itself tho. Thankfully she's on the other side of the world so mother only forces me to be pleasant once in a blue moon now. I admire your strength to stand by your needs and cut contact.

Condolences in regards to your aging parents. Grieving begins long before passing. I hope you have plenty of support surrounding that. Your insight and clear choices seems to be a huge help to you.

Thank you so much for the input, I was feeling so cynical about interacting with the forums but this hasn't been so bad after all

So today after being kicked out of her home and all that, instead of taking time to be introspective and face what is happening in her life and thinking about what I finally pointed out the other day about how it was actually her who first gave me drugs she's gone into denial and dissociation mode. She's decided yesterday to offer to spend time with my kid. Going out to lunch. Coming to my home briefly to pick her up!!!! My girl asked if that was OK or should I get g-ma to pick me up somewhere else. Of course I'm like "oh no I'm not going to be an a-hole about it, I don't want to punish her, or make things worse for her" and now arrival is imminent. I overheard them on the phone making plans and since then my mood has gone from happy and optimistic to sad, I can physically feel the frown on my face. My Mind is ruminating between memories of the distant past, recent events, and resentment over the fact I'm going to allow her in my home. I've let myself down, yet again. How dare she do this? I'm so effing angry!!!!!!

WHY? WHY can't she just stay away?

Secretly hoping she chokes on her damn lunch or gets food poisoning!!!