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Managing relationships

Stonewall

Glenn942Contributor

Stonewall

Hey, What a great place to get some advice. I have been with my partner for a few years. I have let him almost dictate the terms and conditions of our relationship. When I try to contribute or voice my opinion he disengages and won't communicate. I get told there is something wrong with me as I am so negative, think too much, just want to be unhappy.......

I finally went to a dating site to boost my confidence and chat to someone who finds me interesting and worthwhile.

I told my partner before I went on the site and he just said thanks for being transparent.

He is now angry and upset but said he does not have time to work on our relationship. He has constantly said this over the past few years whenever I want to discuss our relationship. I keep trying to get him to look at communication techniques but he says it's from the internet so he doesn't believe it.

I am at a loss of what to do as I value this relationship and want to work on it and stop the cycle of miscommunication.

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In response to: Stonewall

Dizzy4Senior Contributor

Re: Stonewall

@Glenn942 Hi there.

Such an awful thing to be suffering through daily. ""RED FLAG'''. Hes not got time to spend on your relationship. How hurtful is that 😪 What does he prioritise over that then? After so many years, and the relationship still doesnt mean much to him by the sounds of it. Im so sorry that it means everything to you. I can help with any suggestions other than find someone who deserves you and someone you deserve.

In response to: Stonewall

Ru-beeModerator

Re: Stonewall

Hi @Glenn942 firstly I just want to welcome you to the forums.

It's clear that this relationship means a lot to you, which is evident through your efforts to work on the relationship and communication. It does sound like this is very one-sided at the moment. It sounds like there are important elements that are lacking in your relationship which has led you to seek it elsewhere.

What really stood out to me is that despite you being open and clear about your needs he has decided that he doesn't have the time to work on the relationship. I'm really not sure how to stop the cycle of miscommunication when only one person is wanting to work on it.

Has he previously been willing to put in work toward the relationship?

In response to: Re: Stonewall

Glenn942Contributor

Re: Stonewall

Thanks Dizzy.
Rightly or wrongly I find it so hard to give up on any relationship. If we could learn how to communicate I'm sure it would help. He has his own problems I think of avoiding problems, so he always has something to do that is more important than our relationship

In response to: Re: Stonewall

Glenn942Contributor

Re: Stonewall

Thanks for the welcome 🤗

He tries in his own way. He becomes very affectionate for a short time and thinks things are all fixed. He has said he will go to couples therapy but always has more important priorities. Both of us have anxiety disorders which doesn't help. I think he likes to avoid anything he perceives as negative, unpleasant or going to hurt him

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