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Unresourced in love - Book recommendations for relationships where both parties have c/PTSD

GalaxyOwlSenior Contributor02 Feb 2025, 5:06 am AEDT

Unresourced in love - Book recommendations for relationships where both parties have c/PTSD

Hey. So, Ive come upon a problem.

Me and my partner just came out of a week of endless cptsd spiralling and are now in recovery. I might post about the whole thing another time if I need support, but right now I'm mostly seeking resources.

After everything finally settled down and we've been reduced to scared rescue cats terrified to make a move, I realised, with their help, how much baggage I have around guilt and shame, and how it makes me act quite erratically and maladaptively when under interpersonal strain.

They have also acknowledged where they may have acted unfairly, when they didn't have context for what was really going on.

I've been trying to find books or resources to help me understand this and how to better support my partner, who has been really severely affected by this (they've admitted they may be close to psychosis territory if we don't curb it).

Unfortunately, most books of the kind are written by people without a severe mental condition for people without a severe mental health condition.

This leaves me feeling really alienated because it feels like the author is talking down to me. Some books seem better than others, but I am wondering if there are books on romantic relationships, and carer relationships where both parties have a severe mental illness, preferably where the author has lived experience, but its not a deal breaker.

I know this is a weird request im just kind of surprised I haven't been able to find anything close to this.

Thankyou in advance!

p.s.

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I have also found many books covering the topics im interested in are highly prescriptive of how a 'good' and 'healthy' relationship is supposed to looks like, and it feels really awful when, by nature of you and your partners mental illness and neurodivergence, you are seemingly barred from ever being in what is considered a 'healthy relationship'.

I don't take the advice of random self help books to heart, but I do very much want to avoid anything that presents material that seems to be sanist in that way.

4 replies

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In response to: Unresourced in love - Book recommendations for relationships where both parties have c/PTSD

RiverSealModerator02 Feb 2025, 2:59 pm AEDT

Re: Unresourced in love - Book recommendations for relationships where both parties have c/PTSD

Hey @GalaxyOwl, thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

It's great that you want to strengthen your relationship by reading books to gain knowledge. I hope you and your partner benefit from learning new ways of coping with CPTSD.

I don't have any recommendations for you but I have put it out to the team to reply if anyone else does. Hopefully, the community has some ideas that they can share with you too.

Take care

RiverSeal

In response to: Unresourced in love - Book recommendations for relationships where both parties have c/PTSD

balance37Senior Contributor02 Feb 2025, 6:24 pm AEDT

Re: Unresourced in love - Book recommendations for relationships where both parties have c/PTSD

Hi @GalaxyOwl I am currently working through issues with C-PTSD and the "legacies" of childhood trauma myself, too. Although I can't suggest a book that focuses on lived experience and working on relationships, I have found with my own triggers that come with C-PTSD, the DBT Skills Training Manual has been very helpful, particularly with emotion dysregulation and thinking about where this stems from and how to work on short and long term goals. The skills book was adapted from the work of Marsha Linehan who actually was a long term psych patient during her teen and early adult years and no one seemed to know how to help her or presumed she was a lost cause. She then created her own method of getting well and it is now widely used by psychologists, particularly for those with BPD (C-PTSD often has overlapping traits with BPD).

Most importantly, I don't see why you can't have a healthy relationship. You have already had enough insight to post here and to see what may not be working in the relationship.

In response to: Re: Unresourced in love - Book recommendations for relationships where both parties have c/PTSD

GalaxyOwlSenior Contributor03 Feb 2025, 12:38 am AEDT

Re: Unresourced in love - Book recommendations for relationships where both parties have c/PTSD

Hi @balance37

Thanks heaps for the suggestion of DBT. I have done a fair bit of self work in that area so it's less those skills I'm looking at atm, I've got that covered.

I'm more looking for advice on the practical reality of my situation. I want to read the words of someone who has lived experience.

Its common enough im surprised I couldnt find more resources.

Thanks though!

In response to: Re: Unresourced in love - Book recommendations for relationships where both parties have c/PTSD

balance37Senior Contributor20 Feb 2025, 12:39 pm AEDT

Re: Unresourced in love - Book recommendations for relationships where both parties have c/PTSD

@GalaxyOwl Perhaps you could write a book of your own one day instead! 😊

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