Bad memories of some past bullying and ridicule events

I am a little bit under the weather at the moment and the heat certainly isn't helping. I was helping a friend who was having some issues, and it reminded me of some of my own.

I can remember being in Grade 1 and in a fight with 2 other boys that were older than me, I know that there was some bullying involved, and I was a fiery redhead child when riled so I was probably standing up for myself. I wasn't a big boy due to a series of medical issues that saw me smaller than most of my classmates at the same time.

This memory is the first real bullying memory I have, and it is pretty vague because we were in the process of moving to a nearby town so that is the stronger memory. It doesn't upset me that much, but it is there in the background and it can make me a little uneasy because it tends to lead into the next couple.

The next one was when I was in Grade 5, again it was 2 older boys who were physically bullying me and the one incident that sticks out was when I was being forcibly fed unpleasant things that made me physically sick. This incident resulted in suspensions for the boys (and one of them was at the time one of my best friends).

The next incident happened on a Year 7 camp, when 3 boys were forcibly doing things that were not appropriate. The ringleader was a boy I went to primary school with and had moved away but he knew of the bullying incident at that school. I know that he wasn't as intelligent as the other boys and he was much larger, so I guess he was trying to gain more 'power' through submission.

The boys had been separated, and each boy was then rooming in a cabin alongside a teacher instead of with classmates like everyone else. When we returned to school, they all got suspended and had to all write an apology to myself and the school for their actions.

In Year 9 one of the boys involved with the bullying incident was part of a physical attack on me, he and a friend pushed me down and were kicking me in the body and head. I have a permanent reminder of that attack due to a scar at my left ear (which is now showing signs of hearing deterioration as well).

I remember the time I played sports with a local team; I was 22 and one of my teammates was an old classmate and had once been a best friend. Unfortunately, this individual proceeded to give me a derogatory and demeaning nickname. Thankfully however that didn't really stick, and it went quiet, that was until the end of season football trip when my drunken teammates used it predominantly all weekend. I hadn't been to any reunions or celebrations held at the club since that time.

The next time I can recall a derogatory and demeaning nickname was when I played football alongside my younger brother. One of the more entitled juniors gave me a rude and derogatory nickname and used it regularly. This term is offensive in a variety of aspects and cultures, and it was pointed out to the administration at the club. This stopped for about 2 weeks and then it took off like wildfire after that and couldn't be controlled. Naturally I couldn't play in that situation, so I left the club and found myself a new place to enjoy the sport.

I think some of those incidents still haunt me and effect the way I see myself and I know that getting it out there will help me move beyond those negative things and allow me to work on the positives instead.