Dealing with anxiety about the future

Hi @PengTing I'll be interested in what people say. Maybe @MJG017 has some thoughts.

I'm very anxious about the future and feel it's out of my control while knowing logically I should do what I can.

I just asked Google the difference between fatalism and Stoicism.

It said

While often confused, Stoicism and fatalism differ in that Stoicism encourages accepting what you cannot control while actively shaping your own actions within the constraints of fate, whereas fatalism implies a complete passivity and belief that all events are predetermined, leaving no room for personal agency or responsibility.
Key points to remember:
Stoicism and agency:
Stoics believe in living in accordance with nature and reason, which includes taking responsible actions to navigate life's challenges, even if the overall course of events is predetermined.
Fatalism and passivity:
Fatalists believe that everything is predetermined and that individuals have no real control over their lives, leading to a sense of resignation and lack of action.
Example scenarios:
Stoic perspective:
If faced with a serious illness, a Stoic would focus on managing their emotions, accepting what they cannot change, and making the most of their remaining time.
Fatalistic perspective:
If faced with a serious illness, a fatalist might simply accept their fate without taking any proactive measures to manage their health, believing that the outcome is predetermined.

Hi@PengTing

It's a bit difficult to say without knowing more about what it is you are anxious about with the future. I read something last year that said anxiety can be like an engine warning light coming on... the light itself isn't the issue, but just and indicator that there is a problem. So if i'm feeling anxious I try to figure out what exactly it is that is worrying me. Sometimes it's obvious, other times not so much.

I grew up with a lot of anxiety, mainly social, and what I know know to be quite severe insecure attachment issues. This meant I never had close relationships with people and was quite a loner. As I got older, into my 20's even something simple like finding a job was extremely difficult, due to my lack of confidence and fear of talking to people I didn't know. So the idea of a job interview, or even starting work in a new place full of people I didn't know terrified me.

I started to realise this was a big problem, and got very anxious about my future. Seeing others around my age, in relationships, hanging out with friends, having jobs, all the usual things for people in their 20s. It became clearer something was very wrong that I had no idea how to fix and I started to fear that it would never change. It became worse and worse over time as nothing seemed to change.

I got a job, more through luck than anything. It wasn't a huge amount of hours, but I knew the people there after a while and I found it fulfilling so I stayed for almost 20 years. The loneliness though, well by the time I was in my early 30s it just seemed inevitable that I would always be alone, the social anxiety was still just way too much.

As I approached my 40's, call it a mid life crisis I guess, I started to worry about getting old. So I was dealing with the social anxiety as well as spending my life alone. But now I was worried about "what if something bad happens to me health wise and I still haven't sorted any of this stuff out yet?!" The thought of getting a life threatening illness terrified me, because I was in my 40s now and i still hadn't really figured out being an adult yet. All of these anxieties and the resulting depression began to become overwhelming. So much so I was in a big enough panic that I did something that I would have never done otherwise and started to try and put aside my fears and connect to people. Long and boring story short... I ended up meeting my partner a couple of years later. I'm still with her now, 12 years later. The social anxiety still an issue, but more manageable.

Then just over 2 years ago, aged 51, that fear of a serious illness came very true. Over the next 12 months, the news became worse and now my anxiety about the future has ramped up again, but for very different reasons... i.e., the knowledge that sadly there isn't much of one.

While obviously news like this is devastating, I've made more progress dealing with all my other fears and anxieties over the past 12 months, than I have in the previous 53 years of my life. I realised my anxieties that I had lived with for so long we fixated on worrying about "what if's" and "maybe's"... always assuming the worst, fearing it so much that i could take risks that i knew are apart of life. Of course I still struggle with them, but having to deal with something far more certain kind of puts a lot of things in perspective. Things I wished I could have realised a long, long time ago.

Yes, things can go wrong in our future, but we can also make those fear self-fulfilling if we let them control us. Life is too short to spend the now, worrying about the when. There's nothing wrong with thinking about the future and taking steps to try and make it as positive as we can, can that future can be taken away, or greatly reduced at any time... so make the most of the now. Until you find yourself in a hospital hearing otherwise, that future can be changed, the past can't be. So use the present to guide the future and not the other way around.

Of course it's easy to say this when there's not much of a future to worry about, i get that. Anxieties aren't easy to stop, but they can be controlled. Even if it's just a little. So of course we're always going to worry about "what if this happens?" or "what if this doesn't happen?". The trick as I see it is to not let these questions let you lose focus of the now and enjoy the now. The future will be here soon enough, and it can be dealt with then. And trust me, even if the worst fears happen, you find ways to deal with them, ways you can't even imagine before you're in that situation.

You may even find that sometimes big positives can come from the worst negatives. I certainly did. Of course I'd rather not be in this position, but it focuses me on learning to accept what I can control, and look at the things I can. Life is funny that way. Enjoy today knowing that whatever happens in the future you will find ways to deal with it.

Thanks for the input guys, it's nice to know its not just me @Misty5@Lostlad @Dimity

Thanks soo much for the detailed response, I really appreciate it. It was insightful to get someone's perspective who's dealt with this feeling longer than I have. It was very helpful and I'm sorry to hear about recent evens, hoping for the best. @MJG017