My 20s Verses My 30s Self Reflection

Hi Friends I feel the need to be writting a little more in depth again ,referring to my decade of 20s verses 30s , looking in the mirror it seems I was very hard on myself during my 20s , Looking at pics of myself from that time in my life If I was someone looking at me from that time outside of myself I would have reached out to her and given hugs or a sense of encouragement to that young woman who at the time though she smiled and pretended everything was fine she took everything in her stride in her 20s ,she took alot more on her shoulders at times that wherent even her specific responibilities to begin with she smile though the weight of responsibility was heavy she pretended niavely that all was well and she kept going kept braving the storms of life the everflowing tide with a certain determination ,she copped alot during those years ,some of the preasure was self imposed in terms of trying to start a career ,in an area she thought was right,only to realise later it wasnt a suitable choice,she copped family responsibility at a young age ,she may have even tryed to emulate being so alike to her father despite his passing and abscence during this time in her life ,she often felt lost despite the brave exterieor she always tried to show,the twenties where filled with many lows maybe more so than ups ,and though she felt buried at times by all the the mess and taruma one after another somehow in the midst of it all she still grew up or growed through each challenging circumatance she fell many times she stood many times,she dealt with depression,grief,family breakdown and trauma the last trauma being the worst as it was double by a former suposed lover then in turn betrayal by those she loved most ,the 20s where filled with some sunny days ,some insecurcurities,sunshine and laughter,tears,heavy rain,acheiements and falls ,if only she knew in her 20s what she now knows in her thirties but she had to literally go through all that to actually be the person she is now, now at early thirties she wonders though if maybe the 20s where a waste ? why wasnt she smarter sooner? how where there so many things she didnt yet realise or know,with 10 years of time shes gained a certain understaning a certain small amount of maturity although with maturity also comes with a small sense of regret in some ways though she knows in her heart all shes ever done is her upmost best each time it mattered most ,Shes a different person now ,shes looking through different eyes on everything she thought she knew, gone are the days of being less confident ,shes not afraid now to speak her mind her assertiviveness has thankfully grown with each passing year, the lessons are being shown to a greater degree now ,in terms of relationships she often felt prehaps misguided even misunderstood ,but now she can be herself without drama or toxic relationship,she doesnt have to say yes just to people please or to simply keep peace, right now her focus is her own sense of peace and self worth ,she worries less now what others may judgde or think of her She hasnt reached the mountain top of her lifes journey by any means but shes getting there ,her priorities have starightened out a little ,little more levvel headed that impulvesiveness is still there but to a lesser degree thankyfully ,shes climbing the mountaiin and the mountains still a long ways to reach but with every small step and every peice of puzzle one by one shes getting there in her own way and in her own time, there are many acheivemets yet undone many dreams to yet fullfill but shes here and shes still strong thanks for listening