Do I need help with lying?

Hi @Haykay and welcome to the forums

I can hear how deeply this is affecting you and I'm glad you've been able to reach out and connect here.

It could be useful to reflect and consider why you didn't feel able to tell your partner the truth in those moments. There are lots of reasons why people lie. While it would be ideal for us all to be truthful 24/7, we are human might find ourselves in situations where lying feels like a safer option than the truth.

Has lying been an issue for you in the past? From what you've shared it sounds as though you lied about something and then this snowballed to protect the lie, is that right? If so, that's a messy situation to be in, but I think it's one that many people can relate to.

Thank you for replying @Ru-bee

If im being honest I think white lies have started to become something I find myself telling lately. Even to the extent of if I dont want to follow through on plans with a friend, im afraid that isn't good enough so I need to make something up that sounds more reasonable instead of just not feeling like it. I've been in situations where people have lied and it snowballed and I hated it and feel the same way he is feeling.

In this instance, I was afraid he would see me in a different light than the one he already saw me in and it frightened me to lose him. And now I've made it inevitable. I'm unsure how to make amends when he's so far away

hey there @Haykay welcome to the forums!!

i'm sorry to hear that things have been quite rocky with your partner lately. i think we've all had our moments of hiding the truth to avoid hurting someone's feelings or saying little white lies to avoid trouble. unfortunately, those moments can backfire, and the truth tends to come out no matter how hard we try to delay it. the important part is that you've acknowledged it's impact and you're here trying to make amends, so good job on taking that first step!

perhaps having a conversation with him about how you can build back trust would be helpful? in situations where my trust was broken, i've first needed space and time to process it, and then had a conversation to see how we can rebuild it. for example, i've asked my friend 'even if the truth's going to hurt me, i'd rather hear it earlier from you than later and/or from someone else' - this communication helped my friend understand that i valued honesty over 'potentially getting hurt' and the more she was forward about things over time, the more i began to trust her again.

just know that trust does take time to rebuild, and that's okay. it's a necessary part of healing, and it seems like a part of him wants to rebuild that trust eventually too if he's chosen to stay. communicating to him why you felt the need to lie and how you feel, while also listening to his pov can help you both form a better understanding and come up with a way to reassure each other/start rebuilding trust.