Xerox-ofa-xeroCasual Contributor
Anxiety about improving myself/getting help
F (26)
My anxiety is at an all time high. My brain is so foggy and full of just paranoia and constant thoughts of self doubt.
I’m so burnt-out from work and just life in general. I’m not caring for myself, drinking way too much. I go days without leaving the house and then when I do I get a wave of anxiety and paranoia. Everyone is looking at me, everyone is talking about me, even though I know they aren’t. My mind creates worst-case scenarios for everything I do. I’ve always felt like this, but now it’s worse. Drinking used to numb it but it’s only heightened the anxiety during and while I’m hungover. (I’m also trying to be sober.)
I also don’t know where to start looking for help. Just leaving the house outside of my normal routine (of work and grocery shopping or a long walk) makes me anxious. I get worried that no one will believe me or that it will cost too much and in my mind I don’t have time, I have to work. I’ve tried to seek help before but I never really get far. I eventually convince myself I’m okay and then work and work to numb my brain until I get burntout again. This is a cycle that’s been happening for years.
I have a lot of trauma from when I was a kid and teenager. And now I just feel like I’m regressing back to that fight or flight state even though I know I’m safe.
I also feel so out of place. I know so many people who have anxiety and are on medication for it, but I start to freak out or tell them what I’m going through and they look at me as if I am strange. So I really don’t get it.
I really want to improve on myself, focus on myself, but the idea of that is scary and ironically gives me anxiety. I just need to know where to start and if there are any short time (cost affordable) options to help me while I’m getting through this period of slowing down at work.
