Hey @MazdaManiac99
First, I want to express that I only imagine how tricky and confronting this situation must be for you.
As someone who live(d) with OCD myself for what felt like forever, I can empathise with how scary, annoying and debilitating this condition can be. OCD, for me, made daily life in my mind a very unfun experience. Moreover, since OCD is a condition that makes you engage in compulsions that you often know are excessive or illogical, it can lead to you feeling like you are almost disconnected from yourself.
I remember how scary cooking felt like when I was dealing with Harm-OCD. Simply, cooking a basic meal, like an omlette with some vegetables, was a daunting task because of the intrusive thoughts and images that popped up. Cutting vegetables, a seemingly basic and every day part of cooking would make me so anxious that I felt nauseous; often, I would just give up or get someone else to do it instead which would make me feel pathetic. Thinking, "I am nearly a full blown adult and I can't even chop carrots without having a near panic attack; what is wrong with me?" I was so ashamed of myself.
I can talk about all of this quite openly now as I have gotten much better. In fact, I am in remission from my OCD according to the same psychiatrist who diagnosed me - something that I thought literally as impossible as pigs flying just two years ago. How?
First, I would implore you to talk to someone, a professional, who understands and treats people with OCD; an OCD psychologist is my recommedation. Assuming you are in Australia, go to your GP and ask for a mental health care plan and give them a name of someone/a clinic you have found, are happy with, and you have called to check availability and OCD knowledge.
Second, I think it is important, but ultimately your choice, to see a psychiatrist who can properly assess and diagnose you. I will say that, without an ounce of doubt, I would not be doing so well today with medicine for my OCD. There tends to be a lot of stigma about psychotropic medications; I struggled with that for a while as well.
Upon reflection, I believe a lot of that stigma (from others and toward yourself) stems from a misunderstanding of mental health as a whole. That is, control. Having OCD or indeed any mental health issue is not a matter of choice or control. No one chooses to have depression; no one chooses to have OCD; no one chooses to suffer from anxiety. Such a statement is as absurd as telling someone that they choose to have cancer, or diabetes, or epilepsy (also a brain condition). So, telling someone that they should just "stop being so picky" or "just relax and not worry so much" is as insulting to someone that they should just "choose to stop having cancer and just be healthy." It is not true; it is not fair; it is not helpful at all.
As such, medicines for mental health conditions (brain problems, I call them) are as okay to take as a diabetic taking insulin, or an epilepsy patient taking anti-epileptic, or a patient with an autoimmune condition taking immunosuppressants. There is no shame in needing insulin, or anti-epileptics, or immunosuppressants, or, YES, antidepressants/...
Having said that, as with ALL medicines including pain killers, anti-inflammatory [edited by modrator], antibotics, there are risks and they are not suitable or necessary for all people. That is a conversation for between a psychiatrist and yourself. I just am very passionate (I'm sure you can tell 🙂 about dissolving the stigma against these, in some cases, literally lifesaving medicines. My heart breaks at the fact that there are people out there who are suffering immensely, like I once was, for no other reason that societal ignorance and (illogical) taboo.
Whew! That reply was longer than I expected but that's okay. To end on a lighter note, always remember that you are not alone. This forum alone is a testament to that; people care; people want to help. I know that it doesn't always feel like it, especially when you live with mental health, but you matter. Yes, you - the person reading these words. While I won't say that it'll get better, I can't promise that honestly, I will say that you can get through it; that you are stronger than you think; that one day you will look back on this time and be proud of yourself, your strength, your resilience.
I would love to hear back from you! If you have any questions or concerns or just want to chat, reply and we'll go from there 🙂
Take care of yourself, always
[name removed by moderator]
