TW: I am Experiencing Extreme Resentment

Hi,

We've all heard about addictions involving substance abuse. Thankfully, I never relied on drugs and alcohol to get through my obvious and undiagnosed PTSD and POTS that I developed from being physically, emotionally and psychologically tortured from my teen years until now. However, it almost reached to the point where I was going to go down the path of abusing drugs specifically.

I faced abuse at mainstream school (from students, both male and female, and eventually from teachers, too), on the netball court (facing discrimination and being put under severe scrutiny from, quite literally, every netball club at the centre that I grew up playing the sport at), from family members (making crude and, quite frankly, disturbing and untrue comments about a specific family member of mine that I am close to), and, of course, how could I forget this one specific individual, who was a package deal with their psychotic and violent ex-wife. I mean, he was no better himself. But I had the hots for him. And I still wonder if I am trauma bonded to him, despite never entering a relationship with him.

Anyway, the reason as to why I have put up this post, is that after all of these years, I have not healed properly. I have felt incredibly angry towards teachers, bus drivers, the police force in my city, psychiatrists and psychologists, my family, and people who are religious. I wish nothing but the worst for all of them. I even had my own GP tell me that I have a 'dark future ahead of me.'

I was given a misdiagnosis of schizophrenia from a bunch of lunatics from a forensic mental health facility. Unfortunately, this diagnosis still stands. It was not until recently when I was given, what I feel, is the correct diagnosis of ASD, from a decent psychiatrist. And before people ask, yes, I have previously attempted to take my own life, and yes, I am seeking help from, you guessed it, yet ANOTHER psychologist and psychiatrist.

I suffered in silence. Now, I want to heal LOUDLY.