Brother acting out violently against my parents

Hi @sgsg and welcome to the forums

It sounds as though this has been a really difficult time for your family.

It can be so difficult to make someone get help when they don't want it, or are unable to see that they might need it, though your brother's choices not to seek help or reflect on his behaviour should not mean that you and your parents need to live in fear.

I wonder if your parents would feel able to enforce some clear boundaries and ground rules with your brother? While we can't control the behaviour of others, boundaries allow us to clearly outline our own response to certain behaviours e.g. "if you continue to yell, I won't be able to continue this conversation right now". It doesn't mean that the other person won't yell, but it will create a predictable response to the yelling which might encourage them to try a different, hopefully more respectful approach. I mentioned ground rules as well, because while boundaries are all about controlling our own behaviour, ground rules might cover things such as basic respectful behaviours that need to be adhered to and that will have consequences if they're not - such as perhaps needing to move out. It might sounds harsh, but sometimes adding in this kind of structure can be a kindness, both to your brother and to yourselves.

If you do believe that he might be in danger of harming himself or others you can always reach out to your local mental health triage service, or CATT team (you can use this link to find ones in your state/area), or of course 000 in the event of an emergency.

Lastly, its really important to seek your own support during such stressful times. Good on you for posting here, and while I know that you're looking for guidance on your brother, please know that we're here to support you and listen

Hi @sgsg, welcome to the group. It sound like such a difficult situation for your whole family right now and you brother must also be under significant stress as well to be behaving like this. I can't agree more with @Ru-bee in that some boundaries and ground rules need to be set. The safety of everyone in the house needs to be a priority and this may even involve some sort of safety plan in the violent behavior continues or gets worse, like having an exit plan in the house and having phones always handy in case help is ever required.

I know some measures will seem harsh, again as @Ru-bee suggested about your brother moving out if the rules aren't respected, but allowing things to continue as they are is not going to help anyone, including your brother so it may take some drastic actions to get him the help and support he needs. So don't think of any thing your family needs to do to prioritize their own safety as cruel, uncaring or harsh... just that there are limits to what can be done when supporting someone, and its sometimes harder, but far kinder, to do something that is in everyones best interest than to not do anything.

Has anyone spoken to their own medical professional (GP, counselor etc) about supporting themselves and your brother? It may help to be able to guide conversations with him and get a better understanding of what is required with the situation.

I'm sorry you are all going through this, and I wish I had more/better advice. But remember to look after your own well being as well and remember there are limits to what can be done by family to support your brother. His behaviour may get to a point where it just exceeds those limits and changes are required. Good luck to you and your family, and we're always here if you need or want to talk.