Worrying about friends

Hi @Shirazchurch

That anxiety can be so hard to ignore. Do you think these feelings about your friends come from low self confidence at the moment. Ive struggled wirh that for most of my life and always feel very anxious contacting people, especially if I haven't heard from them in a while. As Ive discovered over the past year or so these feelings are very common.

The answe is probably the one you know and the anxiety told you to ignore... talk to them. You said you haven't talked to them in a while, so does that mean you don't like them? Its more than likely that it is the same for them... they've just been busy with their own stuff and not been in contact. when wevhave these doubts and i knowns, anxiety is great at filling in those blanks. Unfortunately its usually those self doubts that it uses to fill them with. So reach out to them and let them know how you're doing and take things from there.

Losing a job, let alone on you enjoy is tough on anyone. So take it as an opportunity to get back in touch with them and hopefully it makes you feel better, especially about yourself and will put you in the best possible frame of mind for finding that next job. I wish you all the best with both.

Thank you for that. My only problem is they hardly talk to me much online anymore and I went to see them yesterday but it was a con and a very brief hello and never got to see them again the rest of the day

hey @Shirazchurch welcome back to the forums!

seems like this job suddenly ending has heightened your anxiety around other things too, i'm really sorry to hear. i too can relate to the anxiety around feeling like my friends might be mad at me, actually just had one of those situations this week - and like @MJG017 mentioned, talking about it really is the best way to find out. from what you mentioned about your recent visit, it sounds like perhaps they've drifted a bit? there are some friendships where you can go months without talking to them and you both feel close as ever, but then there are some where you begin to drift off without regular contact. sounds like there's been a bit of a drift - and it doesn't necessarily mean it's bad, sometimes it just happens and that distance makes us feel unsure. good news is- it be repaired though.
maybe yesterday wasn't the 'right' time for that conversation, is there a way for you arrange time to see them again specifically to talk about how you're feeling? sometimes i like to talking to one person from the friendship group so we can have a deeper discussion (and it's less overwhelming having one person vs the group for me).

as i hope you know by now, you're not alone in those anxious feelings here. we're here with you 💙

@Shirazchurch oh i see how living different cities makes that harder for you to see them face-to-face.

i'm guilty of having those thoughts too - feeling like my friends aren't reaching out to me because of something i've done. the thing that my psych told me was 1. how someone treats you is usually a reflection of where they are at. (if they're not as responsive, it doesn't instantly mean i'm the problem - it could be because they're busy and dealing with life too) and 2. a true friend would either bring up the issue if something was bothering them or at least be open to having a discussion.

these things are now something i try to remind myself whenever those doubts pop up - and if you are feeling strongly about your doubt, then perhaps shooting them a text and saying 'I feel X because of Y' ?

if they're not willing to work things out, that's a poor reflection on them. you deserve to be heard and given a chance at a conversation at the very least. you don't deserve to be ignored.

Hi @Shirazchurch

I've struggled with the exact same doubts my entire life, so I know exactly how you feel about contacting your friends and the response you may get.

@rav3nsummed up my thoughts really well. And it's something I've only just taken on board myself... If you have upset them for asking them for help and they're unwilling to work things out then they were never friends in the first place. Print rav3n's post out and use it as a reminder if you have to! You are worth more than that, if that is in fact why you've lost contact.

But don't let those assumptions get the better of you. Email or text them, see how they're going and take things from there. Either way, you win. Either you find out they have no problem with you and have just been busy themselves, or they do have an issues with you and you're now free to move on and find friends who show you the support and respect you deserve.

I too have struggled with these same doubts all of my life. I have also found that it is hard to find friends who are able to be a support for me when I am depressed. I know it is hard for them.

I feel that's one of my problems. Many just don't want to hear it or I let everyone down because they don't want to help. I feel really worried about messaging my friends now to see there is anything wrong or not.