I feel alone

Hi @Beannie, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear your move hasn't worked out how you would have hoped it would. You've clearly given up a lot in making this huge change in your life so I think it's totally understandable to want a little more support from the person you've done this all for.

It definitely must be a massive change going from being successful, appreciated, and having that feeling of belonging to how things are now. It would be a change that any of us would really struggle with, and it's so disappointing that husband just seems to fail to see any of it. I see it as totally disregarding your feelings and especially your own sacrifices which is not fair in any way and really unsupportive in every way. You're the one that has given up so much and moved to a new country, not him.

Would your husband be open to counseling assuming your attempts to talk to him keep going nowhere? If not, then are there any other supports here you are now you could seek out? It just feels like your husband needs to start listening to your very legitimate concerns. Whether you do get back on that plane or not, is obviously a major decision, one of which only you can decide upon. All I can say is that you should make that decision while prioritizing what feels best for you and your happiness, as well as your well being.

Hi @Beannie

It sounds like you’re going through a lot of changes all at once, which can be overwhelming, even when the changes are positive or chosen. Adjusting takes time, and it’s natural to feel some grief for what you left behind, along with uncertainty about whether the decision was the right one. Every transition has its own challenges, and having support around you is so important as you navigate this new phase.

I'm sorry to hear that you’re feeling unsupported by your husband, especially given that you made this move to be with him. I can understand how that might make you long to get on a plane and head back home. It sounds like you’ve made some big sacrifices to be here and that you’re missing the familiar support of family, friends, and meaningful work.

If it feels helpful, perhaps consider exploring counselling or a support group where you can connect with others who understand what it’s like to feel alone or disconnected.

I’ve also been in a similar position before, moving to be with a partner and building a new life away from familiar people and places. At first, I felt dependent on him, but over time I found my own footing and made friends that became my support network. It does take time, so please be gentle with yourself.

If there’s an activity or hobby you enjoy, maybe joining a local group—like a yoga class, a book club, or a hobby group—could help you build connections. Giving yourself the opportunity to grow connections here might give you some comfort. And if you decide later that this new life isn’t right for you, at least you’ll know you gave it your best effort.

I really want to acknowledge the courage it took for you to make this move. It shows strength and willingness to embrace change and take a risk for love. No matter what you choose, that’s something to be proud of.

Wishing you all the best, whatever you decide.

Kindly Alisse

Hi @Beannie

Welcome to the forums. I'm really glad that you've found this space to share what you're going through, and to connect with the community here.

As @MJG017 has highlighted in their response, this is a huge change that you have gone through. Change is hard even in the best of times, but this sudden shift from feeling respected, comfortable, and a part of your community, to now feeling unheard, isolated, and on the outside of things is something that anyone would need extra support with. It's disappointing to hear that your husband has not been empathetic to you and the challenges that you're facing in order to be with him.

I'm hearing that your attempts to talk to your husband haven't been constructive, and I'd like to second the idea of seeing a counsellor together. This can often aid in communication and help to mediate and ensure that you each have the space to be heard and understood. Relationships Australia can be a good starting point if you're not sure where to look for a couples counsellor.

Aside from the difficulties within your relationship, I also wanted to touch on the loneliness that moving somewhere new can bring. It can be really hard to make new connections after moving to a new country. I once moved overseas only to return home after a few months, in part because of how lonely I was. I'm a very independent person who likes my own company, but being so separated from my loved ones made me feel a loneliness I'd never felt before.

What I wish I had done is to look outside of my workplace for people to connect with. I think one of the best ways to do that is to join a group or club that relates to a hobby or interest you have - that way you at least know you have something in common. This could be a book club, running club, cooking group, knitting or craft group... Whatever it may be it's worth a quick internet search to see if there's anything near you.

Of course that is if you decide to stay. Choosing to return home can be a really hard decision to make, I know I equated it with failing, but it's not. It takes real strength and courage to recognise when something is not right for us, and to make a change. We're here to support you in whatever choice you make.

Hi @Beannie

I am sorry to read that you are feeling alone.

I feel this way lots too

So, ironically - we are not alone.

I think relationships, are messy & complicated, even at their best. Two entirely different people, with entirely different histories, perspectives, stories - & finding a thread that surpasses, all this - to find love, it can only be a miracle.

There is expression, 'where u are rn, is exactly where you are meant to be.'

I don't like it, however, I think it has validity.

I am definitely not intending to minimise what you are going through, I know, for myself - feeling without connection, I feel like a shadow of myself. It is not right, or fair, - it feels awful.

Amazing that you thought to reach out here👍 I have used these forums so much, when I feel like the outside world, is a mismatch.

If you feel alone, I think that is, ok. It is not a nice feeling, but it is yours, & no one can ever contradict or question you. What we feel, is what we feel.

Are there any activities that you enjoy doing that bring you back to a sense of being you?

It might be catching up with long lost friend, writing, art, nature walks, pets, cooking. I think, these are moments, when self care is most important. Even the smallest action, can bring you back to a sense of belonging. Perhaps sitting with the feeling for a moment?

You are important & courageous, & much needed member of this world. There is never going to be another you, ever.

Change is the worst! I empathize with you.

You will find your direction & I pray that your loneliness is soon, a distant memory, of a moment in your life, when things were tougher, than they are now.

All the Best