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Loneliness

Loneliness

Hi All,

I’m a 25 year old with severe anxiety and multiple other thing including AuDHD. have been extremely lonely as of late. I have not had many if any friend interactions in the past like 4 years, pretty much since finishing high school. I cried at my sisters Halloween party because I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere and it upset me that I have no friends, it hurts. I want friends I really do but for some reason I struggle to maintain friends and don’t know what to do. I’m trying to get myself out there and make friends but the anxiety that comes with it is debilitating, I struggle to leave the house especially if I’m by myself. Anyone have any ideas of gaining friends in Melbourne, VIC? Or how to manage this loneliness?

3 replies

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In response to: Loneliness

Re: Loneliness

Hi @BigM

Thanks for sharing your story, and welcome to the forums 🙂

It can be really tricky to make new friends as an adult. The forum space here is a great way to connect with others, in an anonymous environment; But, everyone needs those real world connections too.

Have you looked into meetup.com?

They have all sorts of groups there, so I'm sure there would be something that might interest you.

In response to: Loneliness

Re: Loneliness

Welcome @BigM

Glad you found us. I've had trouble making friends too as an adult. As @tacocat suggested I joined some groups I found through the Meetup app. But I can hear that you get a lot of anxiety. The other thing that sprung to mind was that in another thread you mentioned that you have greyhounds. Are your dogs social? Personally, I have a chihuahua so I found a large chihuahua meet up group on Facebook. I'm not sure if that might be something you are interested in (i.e. finding a greyhound group)? As having your dogs with you might help ease your anxiety.

p.s. on this forum we have peer group chats on Thursday and Sunday nights, they are anonymous and text based but feel free to come along and chat.

In response to: Loneliness

Re: Loneliness

Hi @BigM welcome to the forum. I suffered from severe social anxiety for most of my life,. It's still hard at time but it was really bad when I was younger. As @tacocatsuggested, meetups and groups in your area are a great way to start. It took me a while to work up to in-person stuff like that, so I started out by talking to people online. This gave me more confidence in a way that felt safer and more comfortable for me. As confidence grew and I got used to chatting and getting to know people better, I felt more able to do it with people face to face.

My anxiety is still there when I have to be around people I don't know very well, but it's far more manageable. Depending on how bad you anxiety is, it will take some time to feel more comfortable and be more at ease around people which makes it a lot easier to form friendships with them. I'm 53 now, so it took me a long long time, and like I said, I still struggle with it.

I'm not saying it will take you that long. The internet was only at it's very beginning back when I was your age and dialup was all we had. Yep, i'm that old! It may have even still been BBS's rather then the internet. And I certainly didn't try to improve my anxiety until much later so you're starting off way younger than I did. So well done, I remember when I first tried to work on my anxiety and it was extremely difficult starting out. So like anything I guess, practice when ever and where ever you can. Here is a great start. Have a look around for any groups that may interest you.... even online ones, and just try as many things as you can. But try to keep it to things that interest you, as you're far more likely to find people you have more shared interests with. I also tried volunteer work when I was younger as well. This was a great way to meet people and just have some social contact during the week, which helped a lot with the loneliness. If you work or study then this probably wont be an option.

Lastly, if you do know anyone, or meet anyone who you feel like there may be a bit of a connection there, don't be afraid to reach out and contact them. They may not have even been aware that you wanted to be their friend.

Don't be put off if you feel like it's not working, like I said it can take time. Not everyone you meet, will be your friend and that's the same for anyone. So just keep meeting people and you'll find people that you do 'click' with. I wish you the best of luck.

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