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Grief, PTSD and poverty. I am not coping

joy-New Contributor29 Oct 2024, 12:15 am AEDT

Grief, PTSD and poverty. I am not coping

Sorry for the long post ahead... I honestly don't know what I hope to achieve posting here but I'm in such a bad state.

A year ago I lost both my parents to cancer (just a few weeks apart from each other). I cared for them until they took their last breaths and having to watch them suffer and not being able to do anything has destroyed me. I feel like I died with them.

My entire life has shattered. I was building a good career, I was relatively fit and healthy and I had hopes and dreams. Then everything fell apart. I was diagnosed with two chronic conditions but I don't qualify for disability payments and I can barely afford to eat or buy medication after I pay rent. I'm behind on my electricity and I live in constant fear of becoming homeless. I couldn't afford to have a funeral for my parents or bury them in a cemetery. It's a daily battle to try and survive and I just don't have any energy in me anymore. There is nothing to look forward to, I can't save money or do anything for fun.

I feel such deep sadness that it's hard just to get out of bed each day. My life is like a living nightmare, I have to somehow live with the reality that I will never ever see them again. My mind constantly replays horrific things that happened to my poor parents and simple things like shopping or watching movies trigger immense pain.

My anxiety has gotten so bad that I find myself shaking uncontrollably when I'm out in public but there's no way I can afford to see a psychologist and I can't talk or even write in detail about some of the traumatic things I witnessed so I'm not sure how helpful that would be anyway.

Even though I'm an adult (40) I feel like a lost child without my parents. I miss them so terribly. I miss the home I thought would always be there. I miss all the plans and dreams that have been taken away. I never imagined I'd be living without them already. I still need them just as much as I ever did.

I cant find any grief support groups in my area and I don't know anyone who is my age without both parents.

I just feel so alone and I can't see any future where I will ever feel ok again.

Thank you so much if you've read this far.

3 replies

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In response to: Grief, PTSD and poverty. I am not coping

Unknown userMember29 Oct 2024, 12:52 am AEDT

Re: Grief, PTSD and poverty. I am not coping

Hi @joy-

I am here to say I am sorry about your situation and I can't imagine the lost feeling. I honestly find it so hard to rebuild after loss and when you don't find yourself able to get support.

I am sorry you are feeling alone and hope you can even for a moment feel seen here.

In response to: Grief, PTSD and poverty. I am not coping

tacocatSenior Contributor29 Oct 2024, 1:11 am AEDT

Re: Grief, PTSD and poverty. I am not coping

Hi @joy-

Thanks for sharing your story, and welcome to the community.

Perhaps a call to Griefline might help to get some specialist support, and referral to local support groups?

In response to: Grief, PTSD and poverty. I am not coping

DimitySenior Contributor29 Oct 2024, 10:07 am AEDT

Re: Grief, PTSD and poverty. I am not coping

Hello @joy-

I'd like to extend a warm welcome to this virtual community. And acknowledge your profound losses... your parents in quick succession, your career and perhaps your sense of identity, and your health. Troubling flashbacks and the trauma held in your body are very hard to bear.

I've experienced all of these too, but mostly not as young, and not compressed in such a very short time frame.

Your financial struggle sounds very difficult.

It's still worth talking to your GP about a mental health care plan as they may know a few psychologists who do bulk bill, or they may be able to refer you to community outreach from a public hospital. The latter is where I started EMDR therapy to deal with complex PTSD.. It doesn't necessarily involve your recounting the detail of your experiences, and can be very helpful in taking the edge off those memories.

Do you have any support from family or friends? Loneliness can compound our problems so it's important to reach out. We'll done for reaching out here. Hopefully you'll find friendship and shared interests here as well as mutual support.

Take care,

Dimity

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