Help with my 13 year old son

Hi @Likes2chat_2 welcome to the forum. I wish I had some advice for you, but I know there's people here with ADHD who may be able to offer some advice.

There is a factsheet here... https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder#factsheet

That includes some links to some support resources for ADHD that you may find helpful, but I understand that you've been dealing with this for so long, you've probably already dealt with most resources out there. Other than that, I just wanted to let you know I listened to your vent and hear and am doing what I can to understand your immense frustration. I hope someone here can give you some good advice.

Hey @Likes2chat_2 ,

Welcome to the forums.

You are certainly not alone. There are so many kids and families in a similar situation and at a loss with what to do.

From my own experiences, school is not meeting their needs and therefore they are seeking the stimulation in other ways.

In my area, we have a specialised programs for students at risk of disengaging. These are more hands-on programs.

What does your son enjoy?

Students I've worked with in the past have been channelled into mechanics programs and education in alternative settings. But this is in Melb.

Do you have any such programs in your area?

Another alterative is to go back to the paed for a medication review. What i've noticed is that when the children start meds earlier, they learn more behaviour regulation strategies than when they are teens. But it's worth a try.

I went to a friend and cried it out after I posted.

I should have posted this instead, it’s taken me hours to reset and calm down. I was just too emotional.

What do you do when you start hitting a dark place.

You have spoken to countless of professionals you have sought after all forms of help and treatment for your teen but they continue to makes poor choices.

I have been crying out for help for so damn long but been met with the response we have nothing to give you or tell you, you have done it all or worst still this response, well that is the way they are.

If anything happens to me my kids have no one to fall back on.

There is no family support etc.

I’m just so tired of being responsible all the time when the teen doesn’t want to help or be responsible for their behaviours

It’s gotten to the point where I am wishing life away, just gotta get them to a point where they can go to work and move out.

It’s so frustrating when you have worked so hard and have supported them on your own since they were a baby. Put their needs first, kept them safe, be the best parent you can be to only have their behaviour make you feel that you are a useless parent.

I’ve kept myself from dark thoughts by saying I can’t make that choice or think that way cos I have too many responsibilities, I have other kids to think of and support. It’s not the responsible thing to do.

I do have other things that have a positive affect on my life and believe me if it wasn’t for that I don’t know where i would be, but this constant battle is getting too much.

Life is feeling too heavy, I know I am not the only one, we are all feeling the pressures of life financially emotionally mentally. I don’t usually cry it drains me too much, past 5 days I have cried daily.

Thank you for listening

Hi thank you for your response

the school has Been very supportive have gone above and beyond to help him he has constantly chosen to work against it.

He has discovered that he likes wood work and has just started showing genuine interest and participation, he has failed the first 3 terms. Only to make a poor choice that Just got suspended for 10 days.

Yes I know school isn’t for everyone but you need the basics so you can learn what you want to become. I have taught him this also.

going to the Pead next month he says the medication helps him think clearly but he still chooses to make poor choices, he admitted that himself.

She has told him he needs to put effort into his own behaviour from the beginning as well.

He admitted he knows the difference between right and wrong but he says he doesn’t think at the time.

I have taught them every action has a reaction, he has been deliberately playing up to get out of school since kindergarten.

I thought getting him to high school would be more mentally satisfying for him cos he said school bored him.

he is into boxing twice a week that’s helped.

I’ve had him in cadets, I have sent his sister and himself to camp to help with self esteem (played up there too)

Ive had him in all forms of counselling, grief and behavioural along with psychotherapy.

He completed the grief and behavioural counselling and got the all clear to not need it anymore only to revert back.

tried to go back to that counsellor but they had moved on. Just started head space 1st session worked well but he made a poor choice the following week. His next head space appointment is next week.

been told it’s an age thing or it’s a brain development thing, that frustrates me more cos it’s another excuse he can give in to. Ever since school and he was labeled as the troubled kid or the kid that needs medication or the naughty kid he just goes along with it and uses those labels to his advantage.

As soon as he worked out they couldn’t stop him from leaving the class he just walked out.

now it’s a matter of time before he will be expelled I feel they only have him there to help me cos they know I am doing everything I can to help him.

as soon as there is a spot in another school or a school for troubled kids he will be sent there. That’s when I won’t be able to help him as much cis he will be too far away for me to drop everything and be there.

if I don’t work I don’t get paid I don’t get paid we will be homeless, and I will end up bankrupt.

thank you once again