What causes self sabotage?

Hey @KirSa_EnigmA

I think you have identified a couple of reasons there. Another possible reason sometimes people self sabotage is to keep expectations low so that person can be rewarded when they meet a baseline of expectations. They don’t have to get far out of their comfort zone. And a second reason is that some people feel chaos is their natural state, they know how to function in chaos. I don’t know if either of these reasons resonate with you.

Hi @Ainjoule

Thanks for your reply.

I don't think I'm setting low expectations so I can receive rewards... I'm much more motivated than that.

The chaos state is interesting though... I do like the excitement of acting in the moment and being spontaneous... dealing with high pressure situations is something I'm quite good at. But it's certainly not something I can handle for long periods of time.

I tend to oscillate... regular boring me, and rebellious and thrill seeking me.

I've never gotten very far in life... or the pursuits I find interesting. No career or long term relationships. (a few years, maybe)

I suspect it's a behaviour I picked up as a young man or child to assert control... to push back agains't the world.

I also suspect it may be the root cause for my regular drinking.

Does this sound reasonable to anyone? How would I explore this to find out of it's true? Then how do I fix it?

Hi @KirSa_EnigmA ( @Ainjoule). If they knew how to 'fix' people, they wouldn't be experimenting on them with drugs so much. Have you explored the therapy solutions for CPTSD? It's a long shot and I'm not saying anything bad happened in your childhood or that something in your childhood needed to happen to cause your current situation, but the solutions people are trying for CPTSD seem to be working for some just showing PTSD trauma symptoms in their current lives.

Like you, I am an 'unsuccessful' adult, but I don't get bored or thrilled, I get exhausted and miserable.

All the best.

Hi @Cleo2 and thank you for your honest reply. It's a breath of fresh air to hear someone echo my own sentiments about the experimentation of drugs.

Throughout my life, I've tried quite a number of chemical 'solutions' including those for alcohol use, depression, anxiety, bipolar, and now adhd.

Not to mention the chemical solutions I've concocted myself!

None of these seem to be anything more than a short term solution and are often used as a further distraction from the actual cause of the disruption... whatever it is.

I'm not very trusting of the industry... as I mentioned initially, but I have thought about cptsd and this is kinda where I formed my current theory. I'm not aware of the methods for treatment at all though, so I guess that's my next step.

Regardless of what might be considered by some as trauma... for whatever reason, my response might be the same, and therefore warrant a similar approach.

Thank you again for your insights. Very valuable indeed.

@KirSa_EnigmA I'm not sure what types of therapy you've tried, but if you haven't already, try CBT and AA/12 steps program.