Anger , Personal issues ,feeling very alone

Hi Friends its been a very long while between visits here ,The layout has changed somewhat but Ill adjust , as for anger well its anger but also agreviation or agitation I feel quite alone for a majority of this year which doesnt help my mental state I guess once your own family or most of them at least stop talking to you for such a length of time I guess I can become so used to isolation of it that I end up not really having much will to want to speak with them , its so hard when we feel judged by our families isnt it anyway everyday is much the same I sleep alot ,not alot of motivation ,not much in the way of transport currently and as for the select few whove talked to me although its been barely an occurance I give the its everythingss fine routine and yes thats deceitfull but I am acutely aware of past judgements they had towards me when I did share things in the past ,even things of serious nature which some convinced themselves that I lied when I did not ,but as for now Im too used to this silence and I dont enjoy the lonliness but Ive become to acustomed to it ,in all areas of my life its as if things have been at a stand still this year so Im kind of just waiting and waiting for this year to be over with and somehow restart everything over next year , I guess the anger stems from seeing people happy without my pressence and yet I have no motivation or willingness to talk to them but just so you know I am safe just possibly depressed as per usual