Up In Flames

Hey @Number1Trauma

I don't have a lot to add, but I want to pop in and offer some empathy. My Mum passed suddenly about 15 years ago, and I know it can be tough to settle into a new pattern with your other parent. It took my Dad quite a long time to settle into his new role. I wouldn't say his whole personality changed but I had to get to know him in a new way. Is your Mum getting any support with her grief?

Hey @Ainjoule

Thanks for the kind words. Yeah, she got some grief counseling right after he died, which turned into recurring psychology appointments and she also sees a psychiatrist on a regular basis. But there’s more complicated family stuff going on than just Dad dying (not really for me to say) which amplifies things tenfold.

Hi @Number1Trauma, I'm sorry to hear you mum is struggling so much and about your dad. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer 2 yeas ago at 51 and in dealing with it, it does amplify a lot of existing issues for myself and my partner. It can force you to confront things that you thought you were handling okay and things can spiral quickly.

You say you mum had issues from the past, so possibly she is now dealing with all that like it's fresh on top of the grief of losing her husband. So i can understand how she must seem like a completely different person, as she may have lost a lot of that emotional control she had before. I know this has been a big change for me the past couple of years and it has had an effect on my relationship... some good, some bad. So I don't know how much you've spoken to her about this or how much she has told you, but just try to be there for her even if it's just to listen or make her a cuppa. Is it possible for you to go to some of her counseling sessions with her? It may help you both.

Hi @MJG017 ,

Thanks for the advice and giving me a different perspective to think about. Her therapist has offered to talk to me, both one on one or with Mum if I wanted to. But I’m not quite ready to ‘unpack’ everything yet, and I don’t want to interrupt Mum’s ‘unpacking’ of her stuff.

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@Number1Trauma wrote:

Thanks for the advice and giving me a different perspective to think about. Her therapist has offered to talk to me, both one on one or with Mum if I wanted to. But I’m not quite ready to ‘unpack’ everything yet, and I don’t want to interrupt Mum’s ‘unpacking’ of her stuff.

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@Number1Trauma That's completely understandable. Do you think it would help to have the one one one talk first? Once you feel ready of course.