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Family

Lily17New Contributor23 Sept 2024, 4:19 pm AEST

Family

Hi everyone,

My husband has major depressive illness and anxiety.(over many years). My mother recently came down to stay with us for a month following my father's death three months ago. She lasted one week and then asked to be flown home last Thursday. the reason was that my husband had what I've come to understand was an anger attack - an unprovoked explosive outburst that frightened both of us. My mother has now said she will never visit us again. I feel absolutely devastated. My husband and I went to the GP today to request a review with a psychiatrist and to access a mental health treatment plan so that he could access some psychology support to develop anger management strategies. he has also enrolled in an anger management course through men's health line, and we have arranged some counselling support for us as a couple. I feel I am doing everything I can to ensure we address the situation but feel like I have chosen my husband over my mother - she feels this way also. I don't know how to help her understand his outburst was associated with his mental illness. I feel like I have now lost my mother and don't know what to do.I love my husband dearly and want to give him the chance to improve the situation. Any advice

3 replies

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In response to: Family

Ru-beeModerator23 Sept 2024, 4:38 pm AEST

Re: Family

Hi @Lily17

Firstly, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear of your recent loss.

It sounds as though this rage attack really shook both you and your mother, and must have been pretty confronting to cause her to cut her trip short like that.

I am really glad to hear that your husband is now seeking further support to get on top of this, as it's never okay to be made to feel frightened in your own home like that. I hear that you're providing your husband a lot of support and have a lot of understanding and compassion for him, but that this has put you in a very tough position with your mother, particularly during such a difficult period for both of you.

I'm wondering how your mother may have expected you to respond to this incident, and what choosing her might have looked like?

To me it sounds as though you are doing your best in a very difficult situation, and I can only imagine the added stress this has created while you are also grieving.

I'm sorry that I might not have clear advice, but I do want you to know we're here for you.

In response to: Family

FFS-forrealCasual Contributor23 Sept 2024, 8:12 pm AEST

Re: Family

By the sound of your partners unwanted comments you probably have depression and anxiety yourself. You deserve better he knows how to behave but he thinks he can get away with bullshit towards you. He will wear your love out for him soon enough. Good luck and don't have his baby

In response to: Re: Family

JynxModerator23 Sept 2024, 9:06 pm AEST

Re: Family

Hi there @FFS-forreal just wanted to pop in here, as it sounds a little like you are making some assumptions about this person's relationship, as well as telling another member what to do. It's really incredible that you're so eager to provide some support! It can be helpful to phrase things more like a suggestion, as it is always important for all of us to feel like we're making our own choices.

For example, we can't assume someone has a diagnosable mental health condition, so instead you could say something like "You might have depression and anxiety yourself, perhaps it is something to speak to a GP about?"

If you'd like some further pointers or anything, or you have any questions or concerns, feel free to reach out to us via team@saneforums.org

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