Not coping

Absolutely @john74 . Grief occurs whether it's the loss of a 'good' or 'bad' relationship.

It is this feeling that sometimes keeps people trapped in DV.

@john74 , we are thinking about you. Hope things get better for you.

Feel free to chat about the parts that you miss or things that you can celebrate from the past.

@tyme Thanks she made me feel special and loved again for the first time in a long time especially after 27 year marriage ended in late 2022 . I know she hates me because she ended it but l can't stop thinking about the good times and the happiness it gave me

Dear @john74

Oh yes, I think I know that push pull feeling of abuse. Both from friends and abusive marriage partners.

It sounds like the most important thing right this very moment is to care for you.

How do you do this ?

I feel your first call could be remembering the people who you feel the most comfortable with, the people who accept you for you.

If you feel that you don't have that, do you have a GP who you could just go and see just to ask for --

Back up ?

Perhaps if there is a

Men's shed nearby ?

Men's therapy groups in your area ?

I must admit for many many years I didn't have that, I didn't have support. I didn't know about having friends just to have a cuppa with and then leave.

Hi @john74, yeah I think it's perfectly normal. You will always remember all the good times and how you felt, but it's important to also remember that it's now in the past. So remember the past and how happy and special it made you feel and try to use that to find that again with someone who will love you for who you are. It's life any kind of grief I guess, it can just take some time to mourn that loss and be ready to move on while always remembering the love and closeness you had before.

@PeppyPattimentioned mens groups. I started going to one at the beginning of the year and have found it really helpful and met a great bunch of guys. Broken relationships and stresses due to them come up quite often. Maybe there's something in your area.

Love the person, but hate the behaviour. tSay away or you'll be back for another round of more of the same. Yes it hurts, but being abused hurts too leaving scars on your heart.

Hey @john74 ,

I wonder if you can cling to the moments you can celebrate?

To be honest, in your time on the forums, I can already see growth in you. You may be asking how I can see this, but I remember your first ever post, and now how you are posting.

I'm not saying it's easy, but there is movement and there is growth. Hold onto that.

@tyme Thanks l think l sound about the same as the start but it's nice to know that you have noticed a difference 😀

In a way, the emotions and feelings don't just 'go away', but it is about how to manage them and work with them.

I was only reading one of your other posts today @john74 , and thought, "Wow!" Your post truly put a huge smile on my face - just see your progress 🙂