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Hey @Anon92 ,

I'm hearing how draining this must all be for you. It sounds like it's been ongoing for a while now.

You mentioned you aren't really used to talking about how you feel, and you've tried numerous things to no avail.

I hear it is hard right now .

When things are good, what do you like or enjoy doing?

I don't even know anymore. I spent so many years running from my problems and hiding from them with drugs and alcohol, that I don't even know who I am anymore. I got sober 18 months ago, and that's when things started to get hard. There feels like there's so much there, that I don't know where to start. I'm tired

Hi @Anon92 Welcome. I can relate to how you're feeling. At the moment reading the discussions on here helps me ride out negative thoughts. Reading self-help books also help me sometimes. So do really short meditations during the day when I need them. Do you have anything that might help you a little bit?

Hearing you @Anon92 ,

It sounds like you have been able to reflect on what's been happening for you.

Good on you with 18 months sobriety. This is no small feat in itself.

What would you ideally want in life? By considering this, you may then be able map out the stepping stones to get from where you are now to where you ideally want to be.

How long has this been going on for you? @Anon92

I want you to know that as lonely as it may feel, you are not alone in feeling this way.

I can certainly relate to what you are feeling as I've experienced something similar in life.

@tyme

Thankyou.

It has been ongoing since I was a teenager. I just didn't know it then. I started drinking and recreationally using drugs when I was around 15 and soon it spiralled out of control, because it made me happy, I just thought I was having fun. Now I feel confused and lost

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@Anon92 wrote:
I do, but sometimes not even those things work. It just plagues my mind

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Hey @Anon92. I think it's important to remember that there will be times when things that have worked before just wont work at other times. It sounds like you've change so much and been working hard in so many ways to improve your situation. Being 18 months sober is an amazing achievement. As is the TAFE, and cutting the toxic people... all big changes and big changes aren't easy. Any hard journey is going to have setbacks along the way. For me, it's always important to remember how far I've come the past 18 or 6 months rather than the past day or few weeks. Even on those bad days where it all seems pointless, it reminds me that I have made progress and I have made things better. That then helps me out of the current hole.

The fact your life had been like it was from a very young age, it's even more impressive with all the changes you are making now. And completely understandable that things may feel empty and confused, after all you haven't known a stable adult life until you've started to make these changes.

So keep reminding yourself of all the progress you've made so far, and i'm sure it will all start to feel more 'natural' soon and you can really start to get a much better understanding of continuing on the path you are on. And dont be hesitant to reach out like you have here to and say "hey, i'm struggling at the moment". Like I said, you've done so amazingly well to make these massive lifestyle changes and it's incredibly difficult to do that alone. We all need a bit of support around us to remind us of how well we're doing, because it's so easy to start to lose sight of that some days.

So keep us updated about how you're going.

You have done so well to even be able to express how you are feeling, that is not easy when you don’t like talking about things, I get it.
keep reaching out where you feel you can because every little bit of a break out of your own head can be helpful.

Do you follow any positive quotes on fb or instagram? If you find a favourite put it where you’ll see it often.
what did you enjoy as a teen before life got harder? Maybe think about doing something you enjoyed then or going to a place you enjoy.
You are your toughest critic remember that and try not to be too hard on yourself, all of your growth and achievements (especially your sobriety) deserve to be celebrated by doing something nice for yourself, treat yourself or do something special to signify your accomplishments!!!
You are inspiring!
Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to just be when you need to.